thank you so much! I'm sorry that you are going through a breakup :( it hurts I know.

I love this poem. It's everything you'd want to tell someone you loved and lost. It hits hard for me since I'm going through a breakup. You're thinking the same thoughts as I am. It's structured nicely and gives you time to fully absorb each line as you read it.

I agree! I have a really hard time writing about love so it can come out as a cliche. thank you so much for your feedback and reading ! I was wondering how the choppiness would work

Hello!
Great read, very easy to follow and you broke up the sentences so well. It feels choppy here - that is a good thing! I believe you accomplished exactly what you wanted people to hear when they read it aloud in their heads... at least.. you did for me! It does remind me of first loves and high school.. the pain of love withdrawal and the ache of departure. 
I think that you might want to feel out more practical ways of approaching these feelings you want to bring out. Love and absence of love is a very teased out subject - many people write about it. Remember to avoid using cliches. You can write about ANYTHING! Love is incomparable to anything. But that makes it the most comparable thing.. that makes it the most abstract thing ever.
I like the outside reference to Ester - what a switch up! Especially since you capitalized the name. Capitalizing certain words really draws emphasis to them, and it is very cool you included that. 

This is a really touching piece. The last lines are especially powerful, these:
we are in pieces
you there and me here
but i have never left you 
It's all well and good but as far as improvements go, I think you can add more metaphors and similies to make it more symbolic. The poem is too simple. Not that it's a bad thing, just imo when a poem is more symbolic it comes off as more impressive

thank you so much it was very raw when I wrote it

Beautifully written. You manage to capture the process of two souls becoming one, and the pain that occurs when that process reverses. Compared to many other pieces of poetry, you avoid coating this piece in a thick layer of metaphors and symbolism, which personally makes me perceive it as extremely raw and vulnerable. Good job, truly!

this is actually written for my 5 year old daughter which may make it seem less powerful and I didn't include that because I think it could be blown off as a silly parenting chatter. but it was kind of a love letter for her when I am gone. not that I am going anywhere LOL but someday I hope it would comfort her. I am so happy to hear it is relatable to others that are losing or have lost someone 

I love reading poems like this one.9 Such a longing and heart felt narrative  told through the limited and carefully crafted words of the author. The conclusion is where the truth lies - the piece of information that lets the reader know *exactly* what the situation between the two people is. I feep that this is also relatable to many who hold on to that love over large physical distances.

      
i will be here  
long after i am gone  
when you look in the mirror  
See my eyes within yours  
feel my arms around you , holding you  
i will hold you up   
when it hurts  
Remember my hugs when  
you can't breathe  
and cant calm down  
and feel me there  
feel my presence   
it is there  
as you sigh you breathe in my breath  
i will help you cage that fear  
to take the road less traveled  
remember when i told you to take space  
take it now  
it is yours  
you are becoming just like me  
i see it when your decisions   
just don’t come out like you planned  
Pray for favor like Ester  
i am here darling  
you are not alone  
Because i could never leave you  
we are in pieces   
you there and me here  
but i have never left you  


https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/857s97/july/
https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/85807q/the_boy_who_spoke_ills/

Elizabeth