I'm more than socially awkward. I want a girlfriend (or something). Please help (details enclosed).

So it sounds like due to your other hobbies, and perhaps your natural personality, you have never been very social with people in general. Unfortunately to have and maintain any kind of relationship, especially a girlfriend, you need to have a certain level of social skills. In your case I would forget about girls for right now, and focus on yourself. You should find ways to become more social with friends, family, and strangers, and everybody. Once you have those skills, you'll probably start to meet women without even trying, and it will open up other doors that you may not have thought about yet.

A few techniques to become more social are... Hang out with and/or observe others who have the social skills you would like to have. Hang out in a library or bookstore looking for selfhelp books that seem to be relevant to you. Join a club that involves giving speeches like Toastmasters. See how often you can initiate conversations with people throughout the week, Etc...

Unless your a natural it can actually take longer to learn how to be a social person, than it does to learn computer science or Greek. So get started now, so you won't look back in 5 years knowing you wasted valuable time. (Sorry there aren't any shortcuts, you're going to have to put in some relentless effort to reach your goal.)

Your whole life is the prime of your life, so don't waste it, start on this now.

You can help yourself in stages. Just expanding your social circle, rather than looking for a girlfriend, is probably a better place to start, because you get more practice at social skills without the added pressure. Also, more friends means you'll be introduced to more women, so it's going to help in both ways.

Do you mix with others in your course program? - almost no women, ok, but all those guys, they must have friends, parties, bbqs, past-times, friendship groups etc. of their own. Just befriending a couple of them has got to help.

Have a think about why people want someone to be their friend. If a person comes across as simply wanting something from them, most people pick this up on their "radar" (even if they don't consciously think about it). If the person comes across as being genuinely interested in them as a person, they respond much more positively - and feel a warmth towards that person. Part of learning better social skills involves learning how to be more interested in others. It can be as simple as remembering to ask people about themselves ("hey, I got the same mark as last time, and I studied way more for this test - how did you go, man?"), commenting positively on something about them, or doing something nice for them. One of the most instructive ways to move "outside" yourself in this way is to be involved in volunteering. Saydrah has already suggested this, for the same reason. It really helps you to gain a new perspective, train your mind to think of others, and of course gives you a new set of friends along the way, so you can start practicing straight away!

You're 21? Start hanging out at the bar. Sit there for 2 hours and drink at your own pace. The atmosphere will open you up and sitting there will 100% insure that someone will eventually need to take the seat next to you, often asking you if its open. That's always an easy ice breaker.

At one point, you'll be so buzzed/drunk that you'll forget about your social awkwardness and the nearby patrons will be sure to know your name, exchanging stories with eachother.

Dude, the whole shrink thing (no offense) really seems like you are making excuses. Return and say you would like to see a doctor because YOU think you need one, not because they think you have this or that problem. They can't diagnose you from some test or 5 minutes in an office.

And as for being on medication, that fucks with things too because sometimes people will use it as a crutch.

If you don't talk to people, you are going to have a hard time. Do you not want to talk, have nothing to say, are you really boring? Seems like you are pretty wordy in your posts, try to transpose that into real life.

And as for getting some poon, first make some friends and try to get into a social group of any kind. You can sit in the corner and be quiet as a mouse, eventually some annoying person from that group will jabber at you to participate, then say what is on your mind.

But it seems like you are super busy with life and kinda down on yourself, so maybe focus in liking yourself and improving your outlook on life etc. that helps.

ps. There are women who like your type, I know this chick who dates a dude who has panic attacks when faced with being social, and is on like 15 kinds of meds. She's pretty cool, and not half bad looking either. So if that dude can get some, Im sure you can too.

If you like books, how about joining a book club?

To socialize you need to put your self in places where other members of society mingle.

I was a computer science student also, and I know what that can do to your psyche. Your brain circles around problems, because it has to do that to solve them. But then you work those same habits on trying to fix yourself. Me, I ended up thinking life and women and being happy were really complex problems that had to be solved the same way.

If you're in this rut, get out now! Explore the social side of your brain (it's there, trust me). I'm also upvoting the "hang out in a bar" comments, but here's some off-the-wall advice...

Find a gym, sign yourself up with a trainer. First, this will do wonders on your self-image, AND make you healthier. Second, doing something like mixed martial arts will really increase your confidence levels, which will gradually make your social situations less awkward. (Do NOT do martial arts with the kids.) And third, it's a social situation! If you get a good trainer, he/she can help you work on your communication while you're working out.

And finally, NO ONE is way out of your league. There is no "league"; there are women. And women are not that different from men, they just have different parts that you're attracted to. It's NOT that complicated. Lots of women have the same feelings you do. Think about it.

When you find her, she will be "way out of my league."

this sounds kind of crazy, but can we get a picture of you? Really, advice needs to center around that. I know that sounds shallow, but I think it makes a big difference with which strategy one should approach.

So I'm 21, going to college, paying for college which means I work a lot of the time and that doesn't pay enough for housing so I'm living with my parents. I'm a Computer Science major. I've been diagnosed with a variety of psychotic disorders, and I take medication for that, depression, and panic attacks. I'm pretty pumped full of medication.

I've only asked one girl out ever. The first time I tried, the stress I put on myself was what triggered the psychotic disorder. I think my problem is not the awkwardness of the asking out, but I actually get nervous if she were to say "yes"... I kind of don't want them to say "yes" because I would have no idea what to do at that point.

I just plain don't talk to people. My "best" friend is someone I speak to maybe once every 3 or 4 months. I just don't like talking unless it has a specific reason related to my job or school, and my main hobbies are really obscure or done alone.

It seems all I do is work.

I actually enjoy awkward silences.

I keep hearing that this is the prime of my life and I shouldn't be wasting it, but I don't know how. It doesn't really feel like a choice anymore. I really feel like I'm out of options..

These are what you need to be focused on. The rest of the stuff is unimportant. Reread it and take a moment to reflect on what you can change in order to increase your chances. Keep that psychiatry stuff to your self-- it looks more like self loathing than information.

Read the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns. This book helped me immensely in overcoming my anxiety disorder. Read it, and practice the exercises in it daily. When I first read it, I didn't bother to do the exercises because I thought they sounded stupid. Then I started to do them and things began to change. At first slowly, practicing good mental health is just like exercising, you need to do it every day and consistently over a long period of time to get real sustainable benefits. A pyschologist recommended it to me, its how to use cognitive therapy or the practice of changing and managing your thought patterns so you feel better. No medication I ever took had the impact that this had for me. I understand you want to meet a woman (at least some biological system within you wants to) and that's a whole other discussion in itself. But I was in a pretty dark place as well 2 years ago, and I can tell you from personal experience, once you start feeling better, you will find your ability to seek out relationships with other people will come for more naturally. Please, try this book.

"The only girls that were there were either already in a relationship or way out of my league..."

There is one of your problems. Don't put girls above you so much. Don't treat them like shit but don't act like they are some higher class that you can't converse with.

I have similar problems talking to people. If you want to talk about technology or some other specific thing that I'm interested in then I can go on about it for hours. But that's not good enough in many situations, especially with members of the opposite sex or people not involved/interested in tech. I'm usually just not interested in what people have to say about random things. In any situation where I feel I can "zone out" without totally offending the people I'm talking to (basically any situation except a one on one conversation) I will quickly stop talking and my mind will start wandering. It's like I have social anxiety and ADD.

Suggestions for dealing with this would also be appreciated. Sorry for hijacking your post, but I feel its pretty relevant.

I might have a defense up against asking people out as well.

Don't define yourself like that. You're still learning about yourself. Don't take on such limiting beliefs.

compared to what I'm up against.

Don't see yourself as some kind of impossible to solve exception.

I kind of don't want them to say "yes" because I would have no idea what to do at that point. When that first girl said "no", I felt relieved.

You don't need to know what to do. And I don't think there's any reason to pretend like you do either.

I just plain don't talk to people, so what would a meal or other social construct be like with someone who I don't even know? I've gone to lunch with coworkers, but it only works because it's usually 3+ people and the other people know how to talk. My "best" friend is someone I speak to maybe once every 3 or 4 months. I just don't like talking unless it has a specific reason related to my job or school, and my main hobbies are really obscure or done alone.

You know how to talk too! Just make sure you're really listening. Listen closely, focus not on yourself but on drawing other people out. Draw what's interesting about them out. And one way to do that is by demonstrating and sharing yourself.

Don't give up on yourself. It doesn't have to be a numbers game either, so don't feel frustrated by that either. I don't know you, but that you enjoy awkward silences is very funny and interesting. Just say that!
Look for opportunities to be social. I know you've tried before, just don't give up. Be patient with yourself and congratulate yourself for the lil' steps.

Just focus on making friends and being social, the girlfriend thing will happen on it's own if you do that

The mental issues I can't help with. But if you want to understand the social dynamics involved in dating then please read Mystery's book. Before anyone else jumps in to rubbish the Mystery Method, let me just say that his insights have been extremely helpful to me--and not just in relation to women. The years 18-25 were a disaster for me. Studying attraction leads to a reassessment of our life's goals and priorities.

If you're a computer science dude and socially awkward (and like me, find it difficult to 'read' people) it think it will help you to view social/dating interactions using the M3 program model.

For other questions I've found the Attraction Forums overall to be as intelligent and supportive as Reddit.

Remember, this is not about 'gaming' women or 'fooling' them into anything; it's not really about them at all. It's more about becoming the best version of yourself that will attract the kind of person you genuinely seek.

All the best.

People love to either talk about themselves or share their opinions on things.

So, a good way to get or keep a conversation going is to ask the other person OPEN ended questions. I capitalized open because if your questions can be answered with a yes or no, you have no conversation.

You do not even have to structure them as questions, state an opinion about something that you have. For example "I am happy to be off work for the weekend, but with the economy the way it is, it is good to have work. I think with the new administration we will start to move in the right direction though".

Not great but if the person you are with has any conversation skills she will give her opinion on the economy, the new administration or both. Or she will make some comment about work. Everyone has stories about co-workers or likes to bitch about their jobs sometimes. It is universal. She will want to keep talking just as much as you do so if you throw something out there, she will try to pick up on it and run with it.

Anyway, just try to relax. Girls are not some mystical creature, they are people and have the same feelings, thoughts and experiences that you do. Keep that in mind also.

Edit: One other important point. A conversation takes two people. She is as equally responsible for keeping things going as you. As long as you are making the effort the other person has the responsibility to meet you half way.

Very simply said.. the anxiety of asking a girl out disappears when you are worthy, and not a wad. Right now you are convinced (rightfully so) that you are a wad.

Don't look to your external environment to make you better and happier, don't look to pills to solve deficits in character and wrong thinking and lack of discipline.

The answer to all your problems looks back at you from the mirror every goddamn day wondering when the fuck this guy is gonna get a clue and man up.

The answer to every single one of your questions is you, and it's time you enrolled in a martial arts program and learn discipline, self-reliance and self worth.

There are no answers in any bottle, pill, alcohol or weed. There is no solution in having someone else soothe your shortcomings since that puts an unfair burden on them and is unpleasant and won't last.

The whole idea of I need a woman to save me from the way I feel right now is pure idiocy.

Why do you want a girlfriend? Start with making friends in general. Get to know different people. Teach your coworkers to play Go.

When that first girl said "no", I felt relieved.

Asking a girl out is easy for you because you have a defeatist attitude that's no different than the anxiety possessed by someone afraid of approaching girls. This seems to be your thought process on the situation:

if (girl==yes)
    situation = Oh no, step outside my undesirable comfort zone.
else
    situation = Temporary relief, but remain in undesirable comfort zone of social awkwardness.

In order to conquer one of your personal demons, you're going to have to force yourself to step out of your comfort zone by communicating with people face to face.

I just plain don't talk to people, so what would a meal or other social construct be like with someone who I don't even know?

Think of it as just like posting a comment on reddit. You converse with strangers, just not in real life.

I relate with a lot of your story. I've never had problems with psychosis, but I've had more than my fair share of depression and anxiety and crippling social anxiety and most recently fucked up depersonalization symptoms. I'm also way behind for my age. I'm 24 and been on a handful of first dates off of craigslist and okcupid, but not much more, and I'm currently in another slump of fear and doubt.

Your experience with therapy was really unfortunate, but you've got to give yourself credit for trying. I'm personally trying to work up the courage to call and make an appointment. Maybe it's worth another shot with a different counselor?

My feeling lately is that people like you and I just need to find a way to leverage our strengths (you seem like a smarter than average guy). For example, I have very little anxiety giving technical presentations. There's got to be a way to translate that into social confidence when meeting new people. Know what I mean?

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Have you ever been tested for Asperger's Syndrome?

Hopefully you're still reading some of the advice. on this page. Reply to some of them so that we know you're alive.

I think this was a deleted post, but whatever. I'm still alive.

After reading a bunch of these posts I ended up watching the finale of Battlestar Galactica (which was crap), and I finally realized something. I need to stop watching serious shows, I need to stop doing serious things, I need to stop looking at life as a serious issue and just live.

As for the other advice here, most of it is regurgitated crap that I've heard a million times before.

Alcohol is the worst idea, since the last time I drank I ended up extremely suicidal.

Marijuana just makes me go off into another universe where speech doesn't matter. I sometimes even try to speak to people around me while high and it just comes out as a maniacal laughter.

Are you sure you like women?

Maybe I don't. I generally don't like people and that might be what my problem is. I just assume I like women because I'm attracted to them, but since I have a natural aversion to communicating with people, maybe I don't actually "like" them.

So I think this boils down to just ignoring those attractions and to leave it at that. Try not to get down about it and just learn to accept it.

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So you're a psychotic suicidal 21 year old male who lives with his mother, and takes anti-depressants at the behest of your therapist (who you see regularly to manage your plethora of mental illnesses)? And to top it off, you are scared of everything?

And you want a girlfriend?

Good luck.

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Poker is a really good idea. People love being around other people that are good at stuff.

Agreed. If you can't maintain a friendship with a girl, there's no way in hell you're going to get anything more than a casual fuck (and that seems unlikely judging by this guy).

I would recommend that too. Maybe you are not the only one who feels that way.

Friends with benefits... Most likely...

This is very important. What's (of something)? A hamburger? A can opener? A raccoon?

Meerkat sex.

Fleshlight.

You are just being jaded! When you aren't willing to believe that there are dorks who cannot get laid asking for advice from the internet, then what can you believe?

They seem to be happening a lot lately.