Let me just vent, no solutions please

I'm so tired of being told how to fix my life by other people. I know how to do it. And yes, it's incredibly hard. Maybe, just maybe, I post these to get the things I can't face to face.

Empathy, compassion, some sort of freaking emotional connection. Otherwise I might as well be asleep. I'd love to spend all my time asleep. You get to lay in a nice bed and try to let everything go. I usually fail at that last part.

I just think about all my failings, all the things I should be doing, all the time. I know other people have these moments, but they can let it go. I can't.

I work 60 hours a week, sometimes more. It's hard to get anything done. Nobody cares. Everyone else has their own problems. I just feel like nobody ever cares. There's never enough time in a day or week, but if there was more I'd waste it. I'm so stupid with time management.

I don't like to do anything anymore. I just come home from work, usually with fast food or order a pizza, watch youtube, and eat, all from my bed. I keep buying all these videogames that don't make happy or sad or anything. I can't even bring myself to play most of them anymore. My art and programming hobbies long since died.

I'm just stressed all the time. I don't sleep well anymore. It's like it's either 5 hours or 12+. I function best off of 9 but that's impossible to get and maintain.

There's no one I know who I can talk to genuinely about my stupid nerdy interests. They're really all I have. I can talk to you about dumb tropes in anime, literature, and games and why they exist. I can talk a little philosophy. I can talk some programming and IT. I can talk linguistics. Once again, nobody cares. Nobody wants to be around me.

I've never been picked first for anything. No one has ever implied or explicitly stated they preferred my company. Nobody texts me first.

It's been 21 years of feeling like I'm an invisible nuisance. I feel so freaking starved for attention, emotion, and just freaking human contact.

I think the last time I hugged someone was Christmas. The time before that was about four months prior at my grandfather's funeral, and before that was about five months prior before I left to my first job.

It's so stupid but I just want one person, in real life, who is in my corner with me in this fight. But those people don't exist for everyone, especially when you're as insignificant as me.

I feel like a very small cog in a very grand machine. It's absolutely terrible.