That's interesting because the I had no intention of rhyming all throughout. I love rhyming in poetry but sometimes it feels impossible to make it work while actually focusing on what you want to say.

I appreciate the feedback, thank you!

Hey, really enjoyed this. What I particularly liked was that this poem provides a genuinely interesting takeaway: birds are around us all the time but we hardly ever see them (I'm typing this in my living room and I can hear lots of birds outside but I have no idea where in the trees they actually are!) and this point was handled with elegance and a pleasing lightness of tone.

  One thing about the fourth stanza. Did you intend for it to rhyme? Because it's the only stanza that does and it feels kind of clunky. The 'free'-'abundantly' rhyme sounds contrived ("Not noticing them in their *abundance*" is how this sentence wants to be read) and the - I assume unintentional - half-rhyme with 'free' and 'seas' is also a little jarring. I'd consider revising this.

  But thank you! Your poem has enriched my day!

I've just uploaded two poems in strict metre to the thread, one a ballad and one in ottava rima. Would love it if you'd check them out :)

Yeah, I really just felt like I had to say something about flying away so I just went and got it out of my system. Could certainly use some work, and I ought to explore this concept of "meter" more!

Thank you!

I always find birds to be poetic but then again I just love birds. I like the poem, but I also wish it were a bit more fluid in places. What can I say I’m a sucker for metered poetry. All in all good work and keep writing!

Yeah, I kind of just got it out of my system, the need to fly away, so I didn't really think it over much...which is an awfully good reminder of the fact that as an artist, to be successful, I ought to consider both with equal weight - my meaning, and how it is understood.

Thanks!

Didn't figured it out, does the picture or the pen say more to the reader. ...8 billion can fill a sky too. 'Very prose' poem with no wording attractions and very secretly kept meanings ? I wish I knew what to give it up and be "...above the rules, the lands, and seas..."

I think you go the meaning! Light, feathery, and free - and in abundance, 2-4-hundred billion of them.

As humans, solid and planted on land, we feel so stuck, and yet birds, even in more congested numbers, are still more free than us.

Ill start with my one confusion on the line "two to four billion of them" im not sure what it means. 

I appreciate that this is such a unique perspective. You dont really think about the birds and how everywhere they are. Could they be a metaphor for something else? As people most of us have felt stuck and heavy. If we could just fly away from our lives we would be free and light! Enjoyed it a lot

Corny it is! Candy Corn!

Anyways, it's funny because corny lines are often synonymous with platitudes, the concepts that really jive with us spiritually, so they can be hard to resist even though they can easily ring shallow to others. I appreciate that you don't find it cryptic as it is merely talking about the value of birds and flight.

Thanks!

I appreciated how I understood what you are talking about. It's not a cryptic piece and I like that. I think the last line is a little corny, but I think a rewording of the same idea could be really effective and make the poem really punch. Thanks for sharing!

Two men gather  
One with a camera  
The other with a pen  
&amp;nbsp;

To make a book about the birds  
Two to Four-hundred billion of them  
all around the world  
&amp;nbsp;

They tell me you can not miss them  
They're everywhere and all around  
Just look outside, they're even there  
More than the cats and dogs  
&amp;nbsp;

And so I look and find it to be true  
Perhaps because they are so free  
above the rules, the lands, and seas  
I had to look at them beneath the trees  
Not noticing them so abundantly  
&amp;nbsp;

Man is 8 billion, heavy, and on the land, so  
Perhaps to grow, to lighten up, and fly away  
we simply need to give it up.  
&amp;nbsp;

To the sky.  
&amp;nbsp;  
&amp;nbsp;  
  
--
Feeder 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/889d03/tastes_like_new_paint/dwkscma/

Feeder 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8890ob/moonlight_whispers/dwkss3x/

To The Sky/Air/Wind