I thought it was kind of sing-songy too. This is likely my personal experience, but it actually turned me off to the poem a little bit. You will turn different types of audiences on and off depending on choices you make. So, if you're satisfied with this being more like a song then go for it! 

Are you a rap Inspired poet? Because it could easily make the lyrics of a rap song. I feel like I'm reading one of my own works because even I was initially inspired from rap to write poetry. 
I understand the feelings you are trying to convey but I feel like you're saying it more than showing it. The reader must feel what you are feeling, it must do something to him/her.  I am by no means an expert but I have written poems very similar to yours and I know the thought process. Just practice and  focus on images. Good luck and keep writing :) 

First off, I really love this poem as a whole! it’s fresh and contemporary, none of it feels forced, and it just stands out as a remarkable piece of work in general, you’re a very talented person. In particular, i’m a huge fan of the subtle rhyme scheme (especially coupled with your refrain of “I wish his words were mine! Doreen... oh Doreen!”), and I think your imagery is unique and poignant. The ONLY thing I could recommend you for you to move your poetry to the next level is playing a little bit with your formatting. It’s a moving piece of work, and you can emphasise that even more with stylised grammar! 
But seriously, this is inspirational. Keep up the great work :) 

Hey man, I really enjoy this piece, it unearths feelings that so many people have; loss, unrequited love, regrets born from hindsight, longing. Great job! You may be going for a more natural sound to your writing, which is fine if you are, but there are some simple spelling errors (in case you just missed them). Check if the "your" should be a "you're" (The Achilles' Heel line), and you write "I should of...", where technically it should say "I should have..." or "should've". Now, that being said, if it is a stylistic move, feel free to keep it :) I have to say, also, that I love the line "I wish his words were mine!", as an exclamation it almost evokes some Poe to me. Last thing, I thought that it might help the flow of the poem to add a break between "And it feels so surreal..." and "I never intentionally treated...", because there seems to be a structural change to the tempo here. Just a thought! Cheers! 

Definitely, the line 'I wish his words were mine!' feels the most inspired, and I wonder if you could rework the poem around this. To me a lot of the imagery feels well-received, such as the mention of an Achilles heel, but I think a good edit would clear that up, plus a rework of the form would help enormously. I think if you could match the imagery with the desperation found in 'I wish his words were mine!' then you could be on to some wonderful, Romantic inspired poetry. 

I like this a lot because I can relate. I also enjoy the style you did; I too like doing that style. Very emotional piece!

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