This was about a very dark period in my life - I'm doing much better now, though.  Thank you for the feedback!

Oh man, this poem is so sad! 

I really love the imagery in 
> and I watched my dreams fly away
> like radiant songbirds

Absolutely beautiful.  

That first line is so great---it really draws the reader in right away. I also love that you decided to be very vague about what "the call" is; all we know is that it is the source of great sadness, and that's all we need to know. Well done.

I loved it the second read. The first read that part had me feeling similarly - too posh. Second read it fits the bill just perfect. You planted it. great Poem.

Ironically enough, I'd say hexasymmetry is one the most 'me' parts of this piece.  I'm a very analytical person and couldn't think of a more succinct synonym that carried the same visual, and it just felt right.  Thank you for the feedback, though!

More Hemingway, less Oscar Wilde... Hexasymmetry makes the poem sound pretentious, untouchable. I want more of y0u.

it’s vague enough for a lot of people to connect yet it’s the same feeling for everyone and i really like that, it seems pretty specific yet open for interpretation  

I don't know why but this brought tears to my eyes; I supposed it triggered something within me. It's so sad and yet the imagery is so beautiful. The poem is short and straight to the point, almost just lasting in a single moment, but brings with it a message that lives on forever. I love it.

It should have snowed that morning

icy hexasymmetry hung in the air

as I made the call

and I watched my dreams fly away

like radiant songbirds

grown too big for their cage.




[1] (https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8a2n1x/katie/dww2vn3/)  [2] (https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8a4ygd/gideonshaped_filling/dww2fwj/)

11/02/16