Thanks so much for your input! I really appreciate it 

I really enjoyed this poem! It has a really powerful message and I can relate to it a lot. I think my favorite this about it is the rhyming scheme. It just rolls off the tongue. I would really appreciate it if you could give me feedback on [my poem ](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8ak277/the_trouble_with_wings/?st=JFPQ14OX&sh=1750b3a9) 

I also love the rhyming, and normally I find rhyming pulls me out of the poem, so well done! I kind of wish you had more lines about dying a coward, so I could feel the tension of the two choices, before hearing the final decision. But overall, it is lovely!

Thank you! I don’t really know how to poem yet but I’ll find my style eventually. 

Every aspect of your poem speaks to me. The way it was built, separating each emotion to be felt fully. Every aspect is intruiging, pulls me in more and more.
Exceptional poem, hope to see more done by you. 

This is a really neat poem! I love its succinctness and the topic that you tackled; I never really saw it in that light before! A lot of times I am not crazy about rhyming (just a personal preference), but I think you really did well with the scheme here! Great work overall! :)

“Or would I die with you?” - I loved this question. It gets right to “What is life?” Existentialism that is present throughout this work. I liked that the poem immediately turned to immortality after asking that question. I would just say that there are only two lines in the poem that lack that pronouns (I, Me, You) or some mention of the self. I happen to think one of those lines “Never ending truth” is one of the stronger lines in the poem. I think your writing would benefit from more lines like this that tie the reader in because it’s a universal theme. Great theme !

I really like the simplicity of the rhyming scheme because it flows really well, just like a series of thoughts occurring one after the one. Even though the poem is short, it gets to the point immediately and you as the reader, really feel the emotional pressure of the choices you're thinking of. 

I like the lines 'Build me up anew, build me up kind and sweet', I like the idea that you hope this person remembers the positives, almost a sweet nostalgia that they hold towards you and last like that in their memory.

I relate to this, wanting to not be forgotten and remain in the memory of someone you cared about.

Kudos to rhyming! I feel that it really helps tie the elements together and create a flow throughout the poem. Changing "Make me up in your mind" to "Make me in your mind, build me up anew" might help even out the rhythm in the middle and maintain the 'up' in those lines. Repetition can be tricky but I think having it in the middle is a great way to connect the hypothetical and commanding aspects of this poem. You managed to wrap so much meaning into a short poem, I love it! Maybe this is arbitrary, but in the first half you're consistent about periods and punctuation to mark the end-stop and enjambments but not as much in the second half.  Whatever you choose, I really enjoyed this!

If I live on in your memory,  
is that really living?  
Dash away my broken self  
build me reminiscing.  
Make me up in your mind  
Build me up anew.  
Build me up kind and sweet  
from memories you knew  
Would I never die?  
Or would I die with you?  
Fancy myself immortal  
Never ending truth  
I'd rather die a coward  
Than live on in my youth


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8aflif/it_will_dissipate/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8adjke/the_beautiful_machine/


In your mind