Just a random happy thing about solo poly
I'm in my mid 40s, and met my first husband when I was 20. Because of poly, I was never single through divorces or breakups, and never even lived alone until several months ago. While I have made plans for solo trips a number of times, it was generally informing and updating and coordinating with a couple of people at least, before and during the process - and I always felt like I was trying to schedule around other people's dates and schedules, and like I was going to disappoint somebody, or have to make up dates if I cancelled something to travel.
Now I have a couple of partners, one who I do talk to every day - but I just made plans to go go to another country in a few weeks, and I didn't feel obliged to consult with them at all. I told the one I was going to book it, and after I did I told him the dates. I'll tell the other one next time I see him, but I don't have to. It just feels so liberating to prioritize myself, and not feel like I owe any sort of information to anybody if it's not impacting plans we already have!
Posted Apr 19, 2018, 12:53 AM UTC
I just read this thread (even just signed up for Reddit) and I'm identifying with this so much. I've been trying to understand myself, sliding into monogamy getting connected deep with someone, and then realizing that I'm polyamorous, but never quite sure where I really fit into all this.
Now after reading different posts in this thread, and yours as well, I realized how much I like relationships outside my circle of life and the NRE, and how basically nothing went badly with those relationships. They might have faded and come back but there was never any ultimately negative damaging energy in the end.
The strange part is I'm in a monogamous relationship now that I've been trying to understand whether I wanted to be in for a while... trying to understand myself, why I'm still in it, why do I feel unhappy, but at the same time why do i feel like I want to make her happy... it was all very difficult to change because we work together every day. Crazy great highs, but such destructive lows for me.
I'm pushing myself back to the days when I was "single" and I want this NRE again. I've always become a better person for it, understanding more intricacies of people and the world around me, through these intense emotional connections that we explore together. All relationships that I've had with "autonomy and limited life entanglement" have stayed cherished memories in my mind, breeding more and more positivity for the hard travels I face with my lifestyle.
I hope I can courageously go back to this. Recently, I've realized I've given too much to my current partner, not really receiving what I needed back. Day in and day out, living right next to each other. I love her and that's why I keep giving, improving her waiting for her to improve me back or just even understand me (what a mistake!). I realized I left my "self" go, my independence, my courage. And I have to somehow journey to get it back, without feeling like I lose my current partner as a friend. Because it means I will end this monogamous relationship soon and have to completely break her heart, also affecting my heart as well. And... I will have to see her almost every day for another year.
I have so many good experiences with solopolyamory and I didn't even know what it was called. Women that I still get energy from and chat with, having such a different perspective than my own, but ready to listen to my problems with such a different ear, not the life entangled kind. Wow... I miss them so much.