Simple yet effective. However, I thought more description would have enhanced the message being portrayed.

I suppose it could be "in the corner of my freezer/and also in my shed", but I don't think I like that as much. I will ruminate on this point. I think the fact that it was slightly confusing for you fills the purpose well. Taking away the "confusing thought" aspect takes away from the "tails" side of this one. My shed is like a freezer (cuz winter hasn't left yet), and i keep my bikes in there, but today is a celebration of bicycles that involves something that I keep in my literal freezer. That kind of bike ride can be confusing sometimes! 

Oh! I didn't catch that at all. Is there a way you can make that clearer? Line 2 makes me feel like you're trying to make a comparison-- it completely threw me off of that purpose!

Thanks for the feedback! The freezer and shed are both (separate) literal places in this piece, and they both contain the bicycles :)

Is there a way that you can condense the freezer shed metaphor? 

Maybe you can use a simile-- "shed like freezer" -- or create a new word to describe the freezer like conditions of your shed-- freezer-shed.  



I am not a Canadian....yet ;) I do live next door. Thanks for the punctuation catch. Using that tool effectively can be a challenge for me. I do agree that if it were only a metaphor, condensation would be appropriate. I'm not sure how I would go about consolidating the two physical places though. I want it to feel like we started inside the house and jumped out after the first line. Like I said, the bicycles are in both. Today is a special day for bicycles all around the world, you know.

I feel like you are also from Canada from the tone of this poem. 

A punctuation mistake I noticed, insert a comma after freezer or take the one after shed away. The line break can serve as being a comma but the fact that you use a comma after shed negates that for this particular poem. 

I kinda agree with hen house about condensing the shed/freezer metaphor, realistically this poem could be a very tight four-lines.





'tis a simple girl. I read this and I upvted it.

    in the corner of my freezer  
    oh, wait no, I mean my shed 
    I have a couple bicycles 
    excited for their time  
    to be taken for a ride again

1: https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8dee7r/trying/dxmiz68/
2: https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8d4568/tiger_4_lines/dxmkrco/

a good day for it