hide and seek

hide and seek

you’re that final burst of sunlight when the sun sets.
you’re the electric anticipation in the air
before the sun peeks over the horizon;
when a wave hovers a second too long just before
it rolls back in on itself,
reborn once, reborn once more.
time stops.
i’m caught admiring
your ethereal form in the 5am sky.
i’m caught searching for your face between patches of light
that break through to rest on the forest floor.
you have me listening,
my arms stretched out to catch
the first drops of rain from your arrival.
my skin tingles and i look up.
a storm rips open the sky.
all i see
is you.

you’re the ashes left after a fire.
i drag my hands through the dust,
you stain my fingers black to prove
you’re real, real, real,
even when i can never catch you.
where are you hiding?
the birds have gone quiet.
the trees are shivering like they’re
bracing themselves for lightning
but i know they’re expecting something
even more destructive.
i’ve followed the trail of
wilted wildflowers in your wake.
i hear the way the wolves
howl your name when they think i’m asleep.
these cracked stalagmites underground tell me
there was an angel here once,
and her presence was too great for the stone.

you’re the silhouette of a shark beneath my feet.
the sinister sounds coming from the shadows
share the cadence of your voice.
you’re the paranoia when i’m out alone at night,
the thorns on the flowers i can’t stop picking
even as my hands are turning red.
you’re the edge of a cliff whispering to me
to come fly away and oh,
how i want to fly.
a volcano rumbles deep below.
the shockwave of an earthquake
threatens to pull my heart from my chest
as an offering to you.
the longer i look at the eyes in the woods
the more they multiply;
glowing, yellow,
i dare to dismiss caution.
who was the one running from whom?

nobody understands why i insist on running out into the blackest night
with a jar held tight to my chest
set on catching a hurricane.
maybe i’m just hoping the hurricane will catch me instead.
maybe i’m just hoping i’ll start being afraid.
is this what you wanted?
a numbness so deeply rooted inside my heart
the only way to get a response is to poison myself?
but that’s nothing in my veins compared to you.
tell me it’s for the best
because now i can’t feel the flames.
was it worth it?
absolutely not.
i can’t feel the sunlight either.
i’d still count the snowflakes in a blizzard if you asked me to;
bury myself in countless graves.
i was doomed from the moment we met.
i’d like to think you were doomed, too.
///

just a disclaimer that this wasn't written about an abusive human relationship, which i later realized could read as such. i do not mean to romanticize that kind of abuse.

feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Feedback:

1. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8f4m3l/good_girl/
2. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8f8mw1/maybe_im_still_here/