Scattered

Feedback Received!

FEEDBACK REQUEST

Hi all, I've written limericks before for my girlfriend but thought I'd try my hand at real poetry. This is my first ever attempt at something like this, so was after some feedback also. I'm trying figure out which order to put the verses in, this is the original attempt but I'm not sure whether to rearrange it. It's not complete yet as I still need to add another verse or two.

                  'Scattered'

For there she stood alone in this world

Thoughts and fears all inside of her head

Too scared to creep forward, not even one step

Frozen in time with nowhere to go

It all gets to much she needs you to know

•

But for this beautiful rose the future's not written

Destiny in her hands, the path is unclear

Just like a flower she will ripen and grow

She needs to be nurtured and not just for show.

•

One thing for certain her beauty's untold

With Autumn brown hair her eyes are alluring

Fair skin that glistens like the snow in the sun

Body and mind so pure, of that of a nun.

•

In need of rescuing, longing for a saviour

Rapidly losing faith, ready to concede

All out of hope she really does wonder

Will the sunlight break through all this thunder.

Also I'm not that keen on the third verse and debating whether to delete that verse altogether. The one below is with the verses rearranged but still don't know whether to rearrange them again

                  'Scattered'