Clap, clap, CLAP. Now there is a sonnet. Almost textbook perfect, and I don't mean that as an insult. "Does dazedly bear witness" is just SO good, so beautifully trippingly off the tongue that I can barely stand it. And "No matter all the horrors tempests brew" is amazing too. You are really really good.

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However, with all great things there are low points. 

> And I, though dimmer, will attempt to rise
> My gaze to look upon the world through.

I dunno. It's kind of weak, and I'm not sure who "I" is in the statement. At any rate, at this point you want to end on something stronger than "through." I would rework that.

And the last two lines, well, I get what you're saying but I think--I know--you have it in you to say it better.

It's damn good. And I like sonnets a lot so it's hard to impress me. Just imagine the violence and the storm and the lighthouse imagery and use that and hit hard in those few lines.

Otherwise amazing. Thanks for sharing.


Wow, I love your use of language. Great use of personification, as in "the lighthouse never will avert its eyes," and a great attention to sonic qualities! The rhyme scheme doesn't read as burdensome much at all \(as they often can\) and the scattered alliteration in this piece does amazing work. That said, I do think the 'I' comes into the poem a bit late, and that the piece could potentially benefit from a more complete inclusion of any personal transformation, rather than the current late introduction in the first person. Additionally, I echo /u/kebelebbin in the sense that I felt the "And I, though...." lines were probably the low point, and could benefit from some rethinking.

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Alternatively, I think you could just scrap the I and focus on the lighthouse.

This is really amazing, your varied word choice is really vibrant and really brings the whole thing to life.

The only line I didn't quite like was "My gaze to look upon the world through." Take this with a grain of salt because i'm not the best poet but this line seems kind of jumbled and forced, atleast to me.

Overall, better than most and sonnets are extremely hard from what little I've done. Props for making something like this!

Another really cool sonnet. I like the fact that you withold the comparison between the lighthouse and the narrator until midway through the third stanza, kind of like a reflection of the night v. day description ('*long*, unfolding nights / That seem to all but vanish in the day'). My only criticisms are mostly things other people have mentioned: an extra syllable in line 12; the last lines didn't have much force, for me at least; and, while I think the sibilance of 'coast's unrest resounding' captures the feeling of being by the sea in foul weather, there's something about the second half of the line that throws me off. I can't knock the rest though, this was great, and I love its optimism.

The Lighthouse, a sonnet