Great imagery! That girl must have really hurt you!

Hello there. There is potential in this poem since it deals with drugs\-a heavy topic\- but I have a few suggestions for you.

The poem in general needs more imagery. The issue is that when I was reading the poem, I was just doing that, reading. I was not able to visualize most of the poem or see it beyond a bunch of words. The root of the problem lies in there being too much telling and not enough showing. Instead of telling how the poet feels, show how it is like for the poet to think of someone else or how the sound burns.

I would also recommend using more rhyme. The first and third line rhymes which is good but the rest lacks it. That means the poem might be harder to remember when reciting, especially if you intend to someday seriously do slam poetry. For now, I would use a rhyme scheme until you practice more with writing.

I hope to see improvements in future works. After all, we're all in this.

I really liked this. I can feel your pain. I think it has a really strong ending, but the beginning and middle  could use a little work. 

When I think of us I think of watching the rain


We loved the sound of it


That sound just won't leave my brain 


The sounds of us



Dance and burn like a flame


And it burns it really hurts


I can't let go of the pain


I wish I could be numb to it like sinuses to cocaine 


If I was only ashes smoldering -


would that be okay? 






http://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8if1t9/-/dyrtc8e





http://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8igo2j/-/dyrttcb







Ashes // When I Think of You