Thankyou fo the feedback! I noticed that to but couldnt think of the correct words to get the first stanza to rhyme

I think your poem could benefit from a more rigorous rhyming structure as it would improve the rhythm, particularly in the first stanza. That being said, you have created some strong imagery; I quite enjoyed the second stanza. I could feel the water swallow me and the release from embracing inevitability.

Oooo didn't realise, thankyou for letting me know!

I'll be back to give feedback on this poem momentarily, but just wanted to let you know - Add two links to feedback you've given to others below your poem, otherwise your post will be removed. I posted for the first time here earlier today unaware of that rule and had my poem removed shortly after. 

Thankyou for that, and typos have been edited. I will take that into consideration in the future!

I really liked the me/be/sea rhyme - it was a nice effect that tied the last two stanzas together. The long "e" sound made me think of sleep or someone drifting off, which I found effective. I also especially liked the imagery in the first stanza.

There's a couple typos: 
>drown trying to breath**e** 

and

>it is more bliss th**a**n...

One thing you may want to look at while revising is the punctuation, especially at the ends of lines. I tend to take rhythm cues from the punctuation, so it has a big impact on how smoothly the poem reads. 

It's very very hard to put into words, as it was my most lucid dream I've had and It felt like real life. In my dream I died, fell from space and crashed into the oceans and died again and was reborn. The pure feeling of not being in my physical body and letting the experience take over me was a sensation of bliss and euphoria, this is one experience that you have to have in order to fully understand, words don't do it justice.

I've had very similar experiences on psychedelics and during meditation and being able to let go of your ego and relations to the world for that fleeting moment is the closest thing to dying. 

In regards to letting go of pain and I haven't thought of it in that light before, perhaps it was a message my unconscious was sending me about my attachment to things and the inherent trait that humans enjoy pain. I will have to think about that.

I hope i have been able to shed some light and insight my friend!

I appreciate the understanding of the power of letting go. But I was just wondering why do you find dying multiple times blissful? There are some pain that can't be cured (by this I totally mean medical) but apart from that any pain should not be solved by death. What I feel is that for this case letting go the pain or killing the pain is the solution.

Hey, monoxchrome, just a quick heads-up:  
**truely** is actually spelled **truly**. You can remember it by **no e**.  
Have a nice day!

^^^^The ^^^^parent ^^^^commenter ^^^^can ^^^^reply ^^^^with ^^^^'delete' ^^^^to ^^^^delete ^^^^this ^^^^comment.

Thankyou for your feedback, I really do appreciate it! In this dream I died multiple times and it was one of the most blissful experiences I've ever had. Letting go is a truly power feeling, if you fight it it will only bite you back.

Best part of this poem for me was that it reflects what a dying person may think. For me it relates to the call for highly controversial topic of euthanasia. Sometimes people just wonder about ethical but they don't understand the pain and the power of letting go. This poem can provide answers to people in dilemma about making decisions for their loved ones. "Or drown trying to breathe" \- for me this line has greater meaning than thought of. This basically shows even though a person is alive it feels as if he/she is drowning and living is seems almost impossible. 

Removed for the following reason(s): 

- links are not unique (literally said the same thing on multiple posts word for word) 
- links are not recent (more than 3 months old) 
- extremely low quality feedback. 

***Consider this an official warning. Do not attempt to evade the rules of this sub again. The next time this happens, the result will be a ban.***

Inspired from a dream i had, first post here:

""

As above so below,

Heaven and hell,

The obsidian cosmos to the turquoise surf,

Circling the stars and swimming the seas,

I've never felt so at ease.

""

Falling through infinity,

Crash into the water and let the sea take over me,

This field of seaweed is all I am and all I will be,

Become one with the water,

Or drown trying to breathe.

""

This feeling of death takes over me,

It is more bliss than i thought could be,

As my last seconds tick past,

Whilst i sink into the sea,

Sleeping with the fishes never made more sense to me. 


""

(1) https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8jjut7/a_broken_man/dz23f6p?utm_source=reddit-android

(2) https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8jryby/organized_chaos/dz23k24?utm_source=reddit-android


Let go