Dostoevsky. Who will prevail??

Prince Myshkin would win. He'd have an epileptic fit at the start, and everyone would think he's already dead. Jordan Peterson would put the lobsters into a trance, dazzling them with stories about the androgynous, postmodern, communist boogeyman, who plan to travel to the moon and draw a Lenin face on it. Then he'd cook them and eat them. Raskolnikov would be hanging back, until he found the opportunity to bash Peterson over the head with chair during his lobster dinner, killing him. But then he'd feel guilty. When Prince Myshkin rose from what Raskolnikov assumed was death, Raskolnikov in his anxious state would have a heart attack. Myshkin is crowned the winner.

i bet on Raskolnikov. actually knows how to swing a hatchet