Thanks for the feedback! The window sill was meant to encapsulate the idea of retiring inside of a nursing home, and so the sun going through the window sill would be the only natural light that the people inside of the home would receive; their only joy to the outside world.

Could the line be rephrased as "Infinite gold, /  Pours into window sills; old." to represent that sun is pouring into the windows of the old, and the light itself is also old \(eight minutes?\) Or should I remove it all together?

I totally agree with you on the chess thing; it's a bit weird in not a good way. I was trying to rhyme something with gone, and "starting pawn" was the only thing I could think of at that moment!

I'm not getting the hang of the window sill imagery, specifically, why a window sill? There doesn't seem to be any narrative significance to the rest of the poem, nor does the preposition make "logical" sense. (how do you pour into a window sill, I think its more likely to pour onto a window sill).

Frankly, the window sills seem like imagery for imagery's sake, but doesn't *mean* anything or extend the narrative/tone/music/rhythm/purpose of the poem.  

Additionally the beats of the window sill line are far outside the bounds of the loose/hazy rhythmic structure; its unnecessarily wordy compared to the relative shortness of the line preceding it. 

Each successive couplet has somewhat balanced beats per line, but the first couplet is wildly off balance, ergo, off-putting when read or spoken aloud. 

I also have an issue with the pawn imagery, its a weak ending and it introduces a chess cliche when chess was never established as a theme or narrative function in the preceding lines. Its

 Infinite gold,

Pours into the window sills of the old.

.

For they are rich and wealthy,

Or so they have been told.

.

Their dreams and desires,

Will be untold.

.

Their time is up; the money is all gone,

Now it’s time to move the starting pawn.

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8n4fhx/i\_hate/dzsrzn5](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8n4fhx/i_hate/dzsrzn5)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8mvph2/a\_poem\_about\_my\_grades/dzss4wn](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8mvph2/a_poem_about_my_grades/dzss4wn)

Retirement