Ah I read most of your feedback that was some how longer than my poem and feel like i should explain. The poem is about me. I am the one who broke up with my boyfriend Matt a thew days ago. It really sucks. Although we didn't work as a couple I thought we would be better as best friends. As soon as he returns my calls and his family stops telling me to leave him alone i think we will be doing just fine :) poetry has been a good way of dealing with my pain. Its like i understand what true suffering is now and want to share it with the world.

Okay, for actual critique (because the other commenter liked it and I didn't want you to come away from this experience thinking you've created a masterpiece): this is a lazy poem. And I get that it's self-aware in its laziness -- but that doesn't make it forgivable. Its got this kind of hip-hoppy "if I connect disparate images without really bridging them I'm a good songwriter" thing, which (if you don't get by now) is not what I consider to be good poem-writing technique. And the poem itself is aware of this: "something something Britney Spears" and "something something diet Pepsi" being prime examples, but again, that self-awareness doesn't make it worth reading IMO. I like the Britney allusion, and I think the poem could do without the tell-yness of its preceding line. Give me her shaved head and relate it to yourself more abstractly than "Feeling low. On the brink of tears" which is probably too colloquial. 

Obviously the jew and african references are racist and add nothing to t

I know its subtle but the guy in the story was me!

Such tact, eloquence. Brava. 10/10.

Ah yes, we often forget that the Holocaust was indeed a place, and that Africans and Jews have abnormal skin. I feel so elucidated by this piece. Something something wow.



What about if i told you it wad written to be read in a French accent?

I think you know that this is, to quote the other commenter, a ‘lazy poem’. It mimics and mocks the traditional rhyming couplets *idea* of poetry, but i don’t feel that it does it competently enough to be a solid poem. Similarly, the concepts/metaphors are a nebulous and not super evocative: the idea of poetry is  that it’s meant to make you feel something, right? And you don’t have to use flowery language to make people feel anything, neither do you need to rhyme. you just need to tug on a heartstring or two, and i don’t feel like you’ve accomplished that here. It’s not all bad though— the last rhyming couplet is rather good at creating the bleak yet sarcastic mood i think you were trying to throughout: juxtaposing ‘sad and empty’ with the diet pepsi garnered some feeling from me, and i think you could rewrite this into something really cool if you tried to! (:

Removed for skin crawlingly weird racist/holocaust references. 

No one has had a worst week than me.