The whole piece using the same rhyme sounds childish and jarring. It seems to me that it kept you in a box creatively. The second line takes me out of it right away. 

"we are really friending"  It sounds awkward. 

However, there are some parts of this that I think can be used in a revised version.

"I am done pretending

we are just friends

pretending 

unfriending

pretending

unfriending

as if we could amend 

or mend

as if we could be friends

you were never just a friend"

I think this piece could use some concrete imagery, and perhaps a more varied rhyme scheme (or just drop it off a cliff).

Thanks for posting!


> I think the last third of the poem is actually pretty strong. I like how it goes from "pretending" on.

I agree with this 100%. In the last stanza he/she goes from pretend and then brings up making amends, and then about mending (suggesting something is broken), and then finishes with you were never a friend. I think that alone would make a strong poem.

I think the last third of the poem is actually pretty strong. I like how it goes from "pretending" on. It's the beginning that needs a little more work. There's no real hook due to the repetition and lack of development. What you want to do is take your poem and have it evolve as your write. This doesn't evolve until the speaker is "done pretending we are friends." That's too long, which is why I think other commenters said what they did.  


In the beginning, I want a little more. Why aren't they a friend? Why aren't feelings reciprocated? What about this person is special? You can say all that while keeping the ending.  


Thanks for sharing! It's not easy. It's even tougher when the feedback isn't what you wanted. I hope you keep trucking and pull through! Poetry really has a lot of catharsis and life skills (like critical reading) to it! I look forward to more of your stuff :)

I agree with u/Casual_Gangster in that the repetitive rhyme structure and repetition of words gives the poem a jarring and childish feel. But I think that you could use that to serve the message. Maybe try rewriting from the perspective of a young girl who has her friends and frienemies and is fed up with it. 

With those one words "pretending!...unfriending" Maybe try putting in a second unending before unfriending to really hit their phonetic similarities. That's kinda there as is, but moving them closer will make it a lot clearer

Interesting read. Thank you for sharing

Following the other posts, I think that the repetition here could indeed be used to your advantage, if at the very end you break from the rhythm and the rhyming used before to say something kinda jarring. It could surprise the reader and serve to reveal something new and enlightening!

I am done pretending,

We are really friending.

We pretend 

We are friends.

It's pretend. 

It should end.

I don't care about amends.

I'm done pretending we are friends.

Pretending!

Unending.

Friending!!

Pretending.

Unfriending.

I can't bear to pretend

We are friends.

As if we could amend

Or mend.

As if we could be friends.

Let us accept the end.

You were never just a friend.

   
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