[2496] Twenty-Three Seconds

Google doc

This is a litfic short story. Right now I'm not looking for super detailed critique on language; I realize that it could be polished and tightened in quite a few places. Things I'm looking for:

1. Did the dialogue seem natural? I've never been good at writing it, and this was my attempt to work on it.

2. Did the characters feel distinct? Did they have personality?

3. What kinds of themes did you pick up from it?

Critique 1

Critique 2