Since I Left

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8rygwq/arrogant/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8rx9kl/eternal_flame/

Since I left you
My heart is
Different.

What once was 4 chambers,
Working together,
with valves and veins,
And arteries,
Pumping blood around me,
Is now
Something else.

It's a vacuum in my chest,
Sucking the life out of everyone around me,
It's desperate for oxygen, clinging for life,
And drawing in all the energy it can,
Taking it from wherever it sees fit,
Drawing it down,
Deep into the pit,
Of disdain and despair.
It's a sinking black hole,
Sucking up all the air.

Since I left you,
My soul is,
Fragmenting.

What once was my soul,
Vibrantly bouncing around this plane,
Is now missing a piece,
Always in complete.
Echoes of memories entrench my spirit whole,
And drain the energy I used to seep.
Echoes of memories entrench my spirit whole,
And siphon away the joy and glee.

Since I left you,
My eyes,
Are duller than they used to be
They've lost the light that used to shine,
And reflect when held in gaze.

What once were my eyes,
Seeing what's in front of me,
Now have been superimposed,
With haunting memories,
Played out like short films,
On repeat.

What once were my lips,
Drawn delicately with the bow of an arrow on top,
And the bough of a snowbank on the bottom,
Have become sunken and sagging,
When I hear your name.
What once spoke gentle words
That caressed the air,
Now spews bitter heat,
Everywhere.

What once were my hands,
Steady and strong,
Now shake like the branches of trees
In the wind of your wake.
My hands now jump up
Like soldiers on command,
Ready to defend.

My heart, my soul, my lips, my hands,
My legs, my stomach, my hips, my back
I keep a part of you inside of me.
Little crumbs of your memory.
I can feel remnants of your abuse diffuse,
They're kicking me in the spleen,
Or living down inside the aching in my feet.

I keep a part of you inside my body,
And it courses through my veins.
It flows up and through my brain,
And touches each extremity.
Filtered through my kidneys,
And secreted in my pee.
Detoxed by my liver,
And inhaled deeply when I breathe.

Living under my skin,
Inside the collagen,
In my scars,
Underneath wounds of trauma,
And low self esteem.
I can feel the ghost of you,
Through my pores, seeping.
I've picked the skin around my fingers,
And bit my nails off til they bleed,
Tainted by the presence,
Of the echoing memories.

When a tender touch,
Soft and sweet,
Dares to caress me,
Carnally,
It's corrupted by the recollection,
Of your intimate violations,
Penetrating me.

Since I left you,
My brain is not the same

What once was an organ,
Functioning successfully,
Is now filled with an ocean of regret,
Where I am drowning when I sleep.
Now I've built a house up there,
Where you can live rent free.
There's rooms for all the different ways,
That you have mistreated me.