How To Deal With Heartbreak

In three days I will feel the crushing grief

of what you said to me.

There will be

no remedy.

I will reel from the sickness that roots itself

into the cracks and crevices

on the surface of my heart.

The tendons and tissues will be stained.

I am going to fold up all the pages of my atlas

into tiny paper planes

& throw them from the third story of the parking lot downtown.

I will pretend like I am sending all the pieces I have left of you

out into foreign countries and ancient cities.

Just maybe, this is the wrong way to react.

But maybe you shouldn't tell me how I'm supposed to feel after

you left me no better off than a hurricane victim.

You didn't give me time to find shelter.

You're still trying to convince me

that I should be okay

but I'm not okay.

Probably I will drown myself in you

so I can breathe again.

I'll listen to jazz for a week straight

and binge on your favorite candy bars

or sugar free ice cream.

I will watch your favorite tragic

and then I will read all of Plath's classics,

twice,

just because you were in love with her since day one.

My sheets and clothes will all go in the wash

so that your old hairs

and the smell of cucumber and citrus will be erased

by my detergent.

I will take a shower for an hour long

but plug the bathtub and sit in the water

so I can wash you off my skin.

I gave you myself

and you tattooed the word 'love' onto the softest parts of my body.

Then you ripped it off

Now I only know how to bleed.

Save your apologies.

I am going to bury your name so deep

that my throat will never be able to

dig you out of this grave.

I feel your sting so deep

that wasps and killer bees bring me bandages and honey.

Honey, one day soon I will turn you into

a dull hum of the background.

Your voice used to be hummingbird wings

but I have convinced myself that the fluttering is the most awful sound.

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