Fade Out

My suicide note that no one will see

But I will write it down..

someday... Maybe?

Probably, no, surely

I will find the courage

Not to fight this meaningless existence

You’d think I would have made peace with it by now

But it’s not that what’s lingering

On my mind tonight

It’s not even the childhood trauma

Of course you’d think I’m some sort of drama

queen

Must be imagining shit even

But deft as I am with my superficiality

Confidentiality

Loyalty

Why was it still hard to find a lover who'd stay

A mother who paid attention to my needs

A friend who didn’t walk off

When I needed them to wait

To cry with me,

Oh, I needed you by all means

Hold my hand and

pull me out of this whirlpool

I can’t breathe

Can’t you see I’m bursting at the seams?

Of every time I buried my face in my hands

It wasn’t the people,

The circumstances

Or even the inappropriate memory

I was angry at me

And I hope to fade out

Eventually.

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