Thanks! I actually love my job, I just decided on this by randomly picking a topic

I dig the linguistic perspective. Taking a course on that subject was eye (and mouth) opening when it came to my goals in writing. In addition to the many lenses or ideals that we may place on the paint or pleasure palette (the homonyms here are always ripe [https://www.vocabulary.com/articles/chooseyourwords/palate-palette-pallet/](https://www.vocabulary.com/articles/chooseyourwords/palate-palette-pallet/))  of personal depiction, the focus of sounds we make during pronunciation can play a huge role in the reader's appreciation. Often times we can read these words in our head but the spoken word can have more momentum and emphasis depending on the beauty in the eye of the beholder. Thanks for reminding us of that!

I think 'it's' is just too plosive to sound monotonous. You need some long vowel sounds if that's what you're (completely not pretentiously) going for 

Yeah I was (maybe pretentiously) trying to make that section monotonous to read by repeating it. I'll take another look at it, thanks for your feedback 

I love the image of being strangled by software! It evokes thoughts of tangled wires which is just really cool. The sibilance also works well.

The double 'its' seems a little off to me... Maybe an alternative word could work better? 

Oh whoops, I messed up my order. You're right!

Ah, well I saw that the first two lines could be a couplet and the last two lines rhymed, but repeat and sight don't really rhyme, at lest to my ears

Thanks for the feedback! My rhyme scheme is two unrhyming lines, and then two rhyming lines:

X


X


A


A


X


X


A


A

Clearly, you came up with a very relatable piece that reached and spoke to many people here. Despite that, I think this piece can communicate it's message better. The tone of the piece is resigned, grim and even bored, with itself too. I think your piece will benefit from more fresh descriptors that invoke the mood you're going for better

For instance, lines 5 and 6 add nearly nothing and are stale phrases.

--

"a track on repeat" 

--

"with no end in sight" I think you can just scrap these lines, or if you want, you can change them to communicate the same ideas, just in a fresher way that I haven't heard before.

Next, I think that you could perhaps add some more complaints about the 9-5 shift. For example, you could make a comment about the bad lumbar support of the chair.

If you don't want to do that and you would rather focus on just on the computer I would suggest changing the line about dying in the chair to

--

"I'll die in front of this screen"

--

Which brings me to my n

I dig that reaction. I don't know much about coding, but I have heard them describe how they addressed one thing and they think they fixed the problem and then exponentially more errors and conflicts arise. To truly treat the condition and repair the system to peak performance is to consider the other areas that need to be addressed and meticulously examine and adjust them until harmony is wrenched forth. Thanks for sharing.

 it's the computer at a job. Don't worry though, I like where I work, and this doesn't reflect me personally. Just trying to emulate a feeling 

By the tittle, I can tell is your job. ::/

Is hard to identity, what is causing you the pain, the job or the software, perhaps the slowness of the computer. I like it.

I like the conflicting image of pressing down the key followed by a feeling of being locked in place. The monotony of that work environment could be amplified by a phrase like "of the monochrome monarchy." I dig the brevity and simplicity as a side effect of subjugation and being subjected to the dredge of tedium and quotas. Strangling is a powerful image to end on and perhaps you could use the computer part theme from the beginning in a replacement: "Strangled by the mouse trap." I'm glad to hear that you enjoy your job. It can be entertaining to explore fantasies in our creativity whether that be an appreciation of the present, a longing for something more vivid and exciting, or dwelling on a potential struggle others deal with on a regular basis. It helps to stretch the imagination and elicit empathy. One last note that your poem just brought to light: 9-5 could be swapped to 5-9 as either an exaggeration of work hours or lack of work availability and -more to the point- in math 5-9

To use your images as a jumping off point, did my willful ignorance lead me to spread the virus? Was I too stubborn or proud to learn about the precautions and practices required to protect the mother ship's motherboard? People in the IT field can benefit from the patience of saints and an ever-present mentality of humility to tolerate the toddler-esque debacles and tirades they endure. May your spirit be soothed if the swells of pride or tension wash over and drown you. Thanks for sharing from that professional perspective!

To be trapped in software is scary. To be trapped in hardware and realize it, is to self-actualize and escape the machine. 

Nice poem, I hear you as a control system engineer.

Peace on 🌎

Aye. That's the rub that indeed rubs us the wrong way. For me and many others that abrasion induced the invasion of evasion which prompted an erasure of my identity and goals. It's great to have a place like this where we can share and appreciate the day dreams or the life pursuits of other similarly passionate and inspired people. 

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It's interesting how people occupied with someone else's work are often called out to be 'busy with their own work'. After every 9 to 5, the individual's stress hardly ends. He, then, is concerned about how he can make up for the hours wasted. He actively looks for avenues to spend the money and time he has earned for himself. But alas! he only ends up preparing for the next 9 to 5.

I like the description of the typical job where you just do the same shit all day and ''strangled by software'' because you couldn't experience life while you were too busy with work to pay your bills. I think this is a nice depiction of society. I also really like how short this is and how well the message is sent with those few lines. Good work on the philosophical content. 

I love the way it's made to be direct to the point.

I like how it's a feeling we've all experienced. That feeling of the day dragging on and on. How the 9 to 5 grind gets to us and we feel like we're slowly dying. Nice poem. 

Open and click



Pressing the key



It's not difficult



It's the monotony 


A track on repeat


With no end in sight


I'll die in this chair


Strangled by software


[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8vne89/social_life/e1p52qx/)
[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8vlru3/wildfire/e1p1bo6/)