Thank you for the additional feedback. I wholeheartedly agree about many of your points and posted more about that below. Loved the metaphor and many similar ideas about that excess are equally pertinent and powerful. 

For me, reading your verbose version made me laugh heartily so I need to accept that my flavor may lean that way. While it may sound pompous, for me it is like painting with all the colors of the wind compared to using a handful or less relative to the pool available. Previously, my inspiration for writing, sharing, and receiving what others had to offer in their feedback and own art was an infrequent and capricious prospect. Now as I feel a consistent and deep bond with the art that blooms from inside and out, I feel a strong desire to carry that inspiration with me wherever I go.

I do need to be aware of my motives and determine if I am opening or closing discussion with these actions. If my goal is to start and be a part of a talk, then I need to dial it down unless

So to answer you, I think your grasp on the ideas is fine, its the delivery of these ideas that is a problem. Indulge an overly simplistic analogy for a moment: the ideas you are presenting are a nice piece of fish. The fish is nice on its own, but some seasoning would really take it to another level. Your vocabulary, the way you nuance your dish, is the seasoning. In your poem, you dumped the whole jar of seasoning, and now the seasoning is so overpowering that it loses its subtle flavours, and I can't taste the fish at all. Does that make sense?





I completely understand how fun and satisfying it can be to exercise a vocabulary. However, if you are actually trying to convey meaning or ideas it is counter-intuitive. For example, I could say, 'you need to write more plainly and use vocabulary sparingly to maximise its effect.' Or, I could say, 'you are compelled to construct your composition with minimal superfluous and extraneous elements of linguistic language, to extract a maximi

Thank you for your constructive criticism. Many concerns, goals, and good intentions paved the way to the incoherently encrypted hellish landscape that erupted here. While it may have been wrought for the sake of universal welfare, it became more of a masturbatory odyssey for self-therapy. Will it start discussion or was it more of  into a hostage situation and soap boxing? Haha. It remains to be seen if the end goal justified the means when it came to publishing this at a public level. A paranoia of being misinterpreted  led to over explaining everything that built up momentum to this extended moment in time and yet still those obsessions did not suffice to translate the spirit. There are many instances where trying to squeeze the richness out of the ideas and language led to a product that was nauseatingly rich like a chocolate cake that past its prime upon passing the sugar solubility point. Perhaps a reformatting of the layout could alleviate some of that pressure for those who wis

I will be honest, the formatting of this entire post makes it inaccessible. There seems to be an introduction to the poem, followed by a self-analysis, along with a pile of exposition about the relevant theory. Then the poem eventually starts. The poem's formatting is better, though the lack of punctuation makes it a little difficult in places. I can tell that a tonne of work has gone into this, however, there needs to be heading separating the different sections, or at least clear line breaks. 

As for the poem itself, your vocabulary is clearly being flexed here. But I think it has the effect of making your poem unnecessarily verbose and difficult to read. The stanza structure seems eclectic and overall I get the impression that you have written the poem based on the words you could use, rather than by using the words to express the idea.

I really am sorry to tear apart a piece that clearly took some time and that you feel very passionate about, but I think this is very unrefined to

Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate your perspectives about what you enjoyed and what has more room to grow and settle. It will certainly be a long process of revision, incision, and division into the broad spectrum of vision, but the passion has been coming out rapidly late to the point of obsession and unmanageability so I am going to accept advice I was given to allot moderated time for it in the day's activities, but otherwise refrain from constantly updating and responding to the public posts. I look forward to reading your work and having more discourse with you in the future!

There's a lot here, so I don't feel inclined to unpack all of this, but I do have some general thoughts, and a few more-or-less specific ones.

First, I actually quite like the idea of the equal use of prose and poetry. I think with such an apparently charged topic, this could be a very appropriate format. I'm also quite enamoured of what seem to be the themes of trauma, resentment, vicious cycles of hatred/rage against others, forgiveness, responsibility etc (especially in their relation to political ideology).

So!
For the prose section, I think you could probably chop it up into smaller paragraphs, for easier digestion and greater clarity of purpose. There may be some unnecessary, or unnecessarily long, sections - but I won't presume to tell you what to keep or cut.

As for the poetry, I think you're leaning too heavily on techniques like alliteration and internal rhyme, as well as being strainingly verbose, to the point where it started to feel a little obnoxious to my ears (sorry 

Vexed Vox Criss Crossed Erodes