It just happened

TW: rape Just trying to find someone who can understand. I was walked home by a trusted coworker after a night out, but didn’t drink too much as I did walk home from the bars at least two miles and remember everything and was fine. The next thing I know, I woke up naked in my bed. I didn’t think much of it until two days later, I had a vague flashback of my face being smushed into a pillow, hands held behind me and him on top of me spitting on me. I asked him what happened. I have absolutely no memory beside the small flashback. He told me we were talking on my porch for a while. He said I got up to go vomit in my bathroom, but he followed me and I had gone to my bed. He said I needed help taking my dress off, then he fucked the shit out of me. I feel so dirty and used. I told my boyfriend and he said the only way he’s going to feel okay about it is if I report it to the police or he decks the kid. I don’t want to do either of that. I’m so upset, confused, and anxious about the whole thing. I just want it all to go away and I want to forget it ever happened. My boyfriend wants to be there for me but his anger and feelings about it is giving me more anxiety even though he really just wants to help. Has anyone else had similar experiences with an SO? What did you do? I feel so lost and alone.