Need to vent about an unhealthy cycle of arguments and emotions My bf [M35] and I [F24] go through

Writing this list after having a fight with my bf of 3 years on a petty argument for booking a trip. I'm starting to realize some of the things he does on repeat when we argue which I'm not ok with. I can't believe I'm just here typing madly at a screen at 3am. He came over to ask what am I doing and who I'm talking to. I just really need to get this out.

1. he dismisses my feelings when I tell him I'm upset about something, says I'm overreacting and emotional. I do get emotional at times and end up crying. I do want to cry less, but it's hard holding back the tears. I am working on communicating verbally that what he said to me is hurtful and I want him to acknowledge how I felt. But he would dismiss me and say back that it's my fault and that it was my reaction that caused him to get mad or say something bad. Or try to steer the conversation towards another direction by saying something unrelated that he didn't like from the past and demand me to answer his questions or why so and so acted towards me in some way. I always try to answer those unrelated questions even though they are off the original topic and that usually makes the argument worse because it goes off on a tangent. There were times when I raise a concern to him and he gets pissed off because he just thinks I'm making a big deal. A few times he says "I ruined his night" for making him pissed off.

2. Tells me he is embarrassed of me when I go out drinking and get drunk with my friends without him (I came back drunk and vomited at home in the bathroom ONE time and I didn't text him back) and he tells me he doesn't want me as a gf. He says he says whats on his mind directly, which is sometimes good as it is straightforward, but when he says things like he's embarrassed of his gf and that he doesn't want me as a gf, it hurts me, but I don't think he understands that or sees any issues with it.

3. Gets jealous easily and thinks I'm messing with other guys especially if I'm out without him. (Used to be worse the first year and half of dating but gotten better, but would still not let go of his "suspicions" after 3 years and would bring them up randomly during arguments that could be totally unrelated). I also do invite him to come out with my friends and he usually says no to hang out his own friends, which is fine, but I don't get why he gets suspicious of me. He creates stories of what i might not have done when he was not around without facts eg I would go couch surfing with strangers because some of my friends do? Or I would get random ppls numbers without telling him. (actually I found some random girl calling his cell phone late at night and he pretends noone called and won't show me his phone. I didn't even bring this up again after so I'm not sure why he would bring up all his "suspicions" even though there's zero evidence).

4. Easily voices extreme comments such as if I don't like something of him, then I should move on to better guys and find someone more compatible. If a plan is made, and suddenly he doesn't like one aspect, he threatens to cancel the plan or the entire intinerary, ticket, car, or to move out of the apartment without having an actual conversation on how to resolve an issue or find some sort of compromise. We started having a joint account this year where we funnel some of our paycheck in. We had an argument during the first few days and he immediately pulls out his money from the joint account without even talking to me about it. He later put it back in that night after we talked more, but he tends to do drastic things that are unstable.

5. He sometimes makes my concerns to be about him. I was feeling upset from work and told him about it several times. He tells me to stop telling him about those feelings because it makes him think that he's not enough for me to be happy in this relationship. He thinks I'm just trying to tell him in a twisted way that I'm complaining about him (even though I said so many times it wasn't about him?) So I try to complain less about work to him. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him because I don't want to start an argument but he feels fine saying whatever is on his mind to me.

6. Says he would never change and that if he gets mad then he gets mad. He doesn't think he's done anything wrong.

I feel so disappointed that after a 3 year relationship and 1 year of living together that we are still fighting like this and I don't know if anything will change because he said to me many times he will not change. I generally feel comfortable going to him for my concerns or feelings towards other things as long as it's not about him, because when I voice concerns about him, he will get very defensive and repeats parts of 1-6. I do think over the years, we have argued less, but almost every time we argue, it will fall within the same cycle. I don't think this is a healthy relationship but I can't seem to step away. I do love him very much and when it's great, it's all sparkles and confetti. I do start thinking after these arguments that I'm being overly sensitive or unreasonable, that maybe he is right. But honestly when I read everything I wrote, I'm angry at myself for being ok with all this for so long.

TL;DR: after petty argument with bf of 3 years, realizes he follows the same cycle over the years during most of our arguments.