My imaginary friend.

I have an imaginary friend. I don't need him when I'm strong and sane. I only need him when I feel like I'm sinking backwards into the mud. My thoughts may be fuzzy but he's the one constant I can hold onto. I don't need to think about anything else, just him. Even just repeating his name over and over and calling out to him helps. Talking to him is amazing and painful at the same time. He IS real, but he's not physically here.

When I close my eyes I can feel his arms holding me. He protects me. He protects me. Nothing bad can reach me, their evil words can't reach me. When they tell me to kill myself, Daddy just growls and holds me tighter. He'd kill them in a heartbeat. I know that. A day ago I was someone else. I'm back to being a scared, apathetic little girl again. Wherever I walk there's a cloud of shame around my head and it fucking reeks. Anyways. Kill me?