[S/NSFailure] Binge eating has defeated me and became my new norm.

I guess this is how failure looks like. I lost a bunch of weight (105kg -> 69.9 kg as a 1.70m male). It took me me roughly 8 months with 1300 kcal/day low fat and protein and ~4h of cycling/week, no other physical activity. Now I realize how dangerous and reckless it was, but at that time I felt no adverse effects.

I maintained this weight for roughly 1.5 years and even joined a gym to improve my fitness. No binges nor other food related issues. I was really happy and enjoyed my new me in various ways.

After 1.5 years, however, something broke. I had a rough time at work and found that eating sugar, plain white sugar straight out of the pack with a teaspoon, comforted me. I did this a couple of times every couple of weeks, knowing it's not healthy and may have consequences.

It soon got worse, quantity-, variety-, and frequency-wise. Now, almost a year after my first binge outbursts, I can graze on literally everything, from plain sugar and plain bread, to slices of cheese and frozen vegetables straight out of freezer (they are hard to bite btw).

Funny thing, I don't really crave sweets and chocolate or fast foods could even not exist for me. I binge on 'regular' foods, but the binges are usualy ridiculous; for example sometimes I eat a 400g loaf of bread with 125/250g of spread (butter, margarine), or a 1kg of premade dumplings in one sitting.

I don't binge on full meals though, but on semi-products and foods sold in separated pieces (already mentioned slices of cheese, sausages, toasts, rolls, occassional grain crackers, etc).

Of course I tried to fight it. I upped my goal calories, I increased my gym days from 3 to 4 per week but also took several lighter weeks, played with the macros (low carb, med carb, semi-high fats), tried the classics: drinking more fluids (I already drink a lot), keeping myself busy, eating or skipping a breakfast. I even pre-planned some of my binges, with preparing the food with both including and not including it in my caloric count.

At this moment (roughly a year after they started) my binges happen almost daily, usually in the evenings. They are my new norm. I alreasy gained almost half of what I lost, but thankfully I only look semi-fat thanks to the gym (a part of that weight is likely muscle). I want to get rid of the binges though. I am aware how much they harm my mental and physical health. I can't though.

Perhaps a therapy could help, but it's not possible due to financial reasons. Could you please offer me any advice? I feel like with each binge I feel deeper into that dark hole. I want to stop but I can't.