If applicable, how did you learn how to be a man?
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Posted Jul 9, 2018, 6:53 PM UTC
16
Trial and error, unfortunately.
The biggest thing is I watched too many situations where I could have made a positive impact only if I had tried, then watched what happened when I didn't. I figured someone else would step up and no one else did.
Nowadays it's sometimes bothersome, but I find myself willing to step up because it's not a guarantee that someone else will - that's just my own internal self-preservation masking itself as pragmatism.
1
There’s no real definition of what it means to be a man. Just be a responsible individual. Don’t be an asshole and never use a credit card you don’t intend on paying.
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FAQ
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If by "be a man" you mean being comfortable in your masculinity then I learned it from my mom, who was the major parental figure in my life for my early formative years (dad was deployed). Of course when my dad was around he taught me things like "firm handshakes and eye contact" but those are secondary to the holy grail which is just to unapologetically be yourself (within reason). There's not really much to masculinity other than being comfortable with who you are, imo.
In terms of being assertive sometimes you really just have to bite the bullet and go for it. It helps to gain self-confidence but maybe some other people could give you pointers on how to gain some, it's something that I can't explain well. Hope this helps
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Being responsible and respectful.
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Don't focus on how to be a man. This leads to misconceptions out the gate on what you need to be. Strive to be a strong person overall, and the rest will come naturally.
Look up to people who exemplify the type of person you want to be, and hold yourself to a higher standard then your peers. Be introspective when you're a hypocrite and don't accept compromise when it comes to your self improvement.
Assertiveness, specifically, is a mindset. As a naturally more timid person, when going into things like job interviews or salary negotiations, I pump myself up. I give myself the mental boost that I'm the shit and I'm getting what I deserve. Objectively it might come off as cocky, but the skews my more reserved behavior closer to where I need it to be to work FOR me in times when displays of confidence are rewarded.