Wedding day approaching

I’ve posted in r/grief support and it was suggested this might be a good place for me. March 16th I came home from work to find my fiancée dead on the living room floor. Apparently an embolism. We had been together for nearly a decade.

Our wedding day would have been July 21st, 9 days from today.

I’m barely holding it together enough to go to work. I come home, feed the cats and go to bed. Everything and nothing will start me crying. If it wasn’t for my elderly cats, I’d probably have ended it. My house is trashed and I don’t even care. I just want this pain to end.