I just critiqued. Thank you for letting me know. New to reddit:)

You are missing your links to two critiques you have provided for other posts here.  The mods will remove your post if you don't do that.  That said I loved this poem.  I'd be happy to provide more in depth feedback if you wouldn't mind critiquing one of mine.  :). You can just click on my handle to see my posts.  Thanks for considering that and for writing a beautiful poem.

"Concrete walls holding back my power break with the dawn at the wake of my past life."

This is the line where the poem starts.

Until then, you're just telling me things. 

Also, I don't understand the necessity of the last line. I feel like the two lines above display the same meaning in a much stronger presentation. 

Just comment here when it's up so I know.  Welcome to Reddit.

Oh it's down.  Did you remember to put in your links?  I'll get back to this when it's back up.

You might have to contact the mods somehow as I'm still seeing it as (removed).  Hope it comes back soon.

Oh good it's back.  Critique coming soon.

Please take my criticism as merely one perspective.  You, in the end, know what is best for the piece.  That being said here are my thoughts:


I agree that the poem gets going for me around " Concrete walls holding back my power break with the dawn at the wake of my past life".  You could do without the first half but if you want to keep it here are my observations.

>I used to write

>When I suffer

>I create

I don't think you need the first line.  The second two lines you might want to run together maybe connecting them with a comma so it's clear they go together.

>I cannot find meaning in something expressive coming out of me unless it is attached to darkness and emotion

This could be shortened.  Maybe something like "out of me, meaning from darkness and emotion".  Just a suggestion but play around with it if you choose to keep this part.

>I emote

Don't think this line is necessary as the next line does this.

>Emotions make me feel something more than the mundanity I’m used t

>You can feel strong and small all at once.


I love the poem, and especially the rhyme scheme. I also really liked "I shed past versions of me" and "a seance is performed." 


This is just my opinion  but I would remove the last line I quoted above. It would be more powerful to end on "it's nice to be lost and alone" but it's just a style preference, and I like it he way it is right now too 

Thank you! I really appreciated your feedback:)

You can just edit this post.  Glad you are keeping at it.

Thank you for all of the feedback! So helpful. I haven’t written in a while so I need to work on editing out the rambling. are we allowed to post the edited version of the poem so people can see how we took their feedback?

Lifecycle


(The conflict)


I destruct

I build

I feel 


Until I feel nothing


(The solution)


Concrete walls holding back my power break with the dawn at the wake of my past life 


(The process)


A performance begins, my seance


like a cold blooded snake I am shedding the young skin I once wore


I conjure the ghosts of my past and find something again to feel.


I neatly bury the memories and sentiments in a field of wildflowers. I put them away but they are always there. 


People come and go but my ghosts sit loyally in my floral filled meadows.


My lifeless shell of a being is empty until I mourn and find something to feel something to break 
something to unleash towards. 


(The outcome)


I love being strong

I love feeling small


—It’s nice to be lost and alone 





https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/911wca/comment/e2ws4sq?st=JJYU3KC6&amp;sh=4cd118c5

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/912br0/comment/e2wsbmo?st=JJYU6X9O&amp;sh=dc8b07d5

Duality