This is my real-life emoji keyboard.

This is my real-life emoji keyboard. 14 regular keyboards, all connected to this one laptop, more than a thousand individually placed stickers, and a bit of special software so that every single one of these buttons types a different character. And every possible emoji is here, at least as I record this. If you want smilies 🙂: right in front of you. Animals 🐖 and plants ☘️ are over here, along with food 🍔, which I guess is kind of the same thing. Transport 🚌 is over here. Symbols 💠 and dingbats ♣️ and sports ⚽ and time 🕑, they're all down here. And over on the right, we have the flags of all nations 🏴, and a few miscellaneous symbols ⁉️. So, if you want to add a kissing face to your tweet? That is right here 😘. Crescent moon in your professional report? That is just here 🌙. Cartoonish crescent moon in your less professional report? Not a problem, right next to it 🌜. Black Santa? Got you covered. Hit the Santa button 🎅, and then hit the Modifier Fitzpatrick Skin Type 6 button just there 🏿. Boom. Black Santa 🎅🏿. There you go. It's got literally every emoji, even the ones that don't work on any phones or computers yet. You want a levitating man in a business suit? This button here 🕴️. It doesn't work yet, as I record this, but as soon as you view that tweet on iOS 9.1, when it comes out? There will be an emoji, of a man, in a business suit, and he will be levitating 🕴️. You want to flip someone the bird? Right here 🖕. You want to flip someone an emoji of an actual bird? Got half a dozen of them right here. Penguins 🐧, pigeons 🐦, a baby chick in its egg 🐣 or outside its egg 🐥, your choice. Bikinis 👙, kimonos 👘, and aubergines, obviously 🍆. If you want to make sure your message is over-18 only? Got it 🔞. You want to ban dropping litter? This keyboard is for you 🚯. You want to ban dropping litter in Belgium 🇧🇪? Soon 🔜? Got you covered. Never mind all your fancy touchscreens and popup boxes on your smartphones: when you want every emoji, at your fingertips, literally: this is the keyboard for you.