Dang dude, there's a lot of punch to what's going on here and its awesome. Sometimes though it does seem like you let the deisre to rhyme steer you more than it should, I might suggest writing what you want to say first and then laying in the rhymes (playing around till you find something that works) just so that the drive and meaning of the poem is maintained. 

Please do check out my poem as well [https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/96ses5/bella\_donna/](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/96ses5/bella_donna/)

This definitely made me feel some type of way haha. Raw anger, I'm terrified and uncomfortable even reading it. I love it! 

I agree with the first comment on not needing to concentrate on rhyming as much and consentrate on thinking like 'less is more' in some parts. Just so it doesn't feel like to much.

But in saying that overall amazing ! You made me feel something and that's what I came here for x

I loved reading this, It read like a rap song. Good job on the rhythm.

Break..