Coffee With an Old Friend

I sit across from her,
I breathe in. Jake, I say,
Jake raped me. Months ago. I'm
Falling apart.
Like how you fell apart
When it happened to you.

She looks at me.
She doesn't believe me.
Can you- can you tell me a little more?
She asks me.
A little more about what happened,
Maybe then,
Maybe then I'll understand.

I blink. I'm confused. She
Knows. She knows how it feels
To be used, like a toy.
It shreds your worth.
I breathe in.

I said no, I tell her,
I said I don't want to.
I am uncomfortable now.
I can feel his hands on me again
Pushing me down
Here in the coffee shop.
I try to give her the information
She wants.
I didn't ask for this.
He didn't listen, I don't know why.
He was my friend.

She sits there. She listens. It's
Been so long since we last talked,
Really talked.
But she was friends with Jake too.
He scares me now. If he found out I
Had told-

So we fell out of touch.
I spiraled, alone, silent,
afraid of everything.
It's been so long since we last talked.
I've been telling her it's all fine.

I wish I had known, she says
I nod. Of course she does,
She's my friend.
I could have gotten you and Jake to
Talk she continues.
I blink. I breathe.

Talk? He can't contact me any more
I tell her. He's not allowed.
That's the one protection I have.
I know she says but he would be
Willing to talk.

I don't think it's rape
She tells me,
I think it's more complicated than that.
I like to believe the best in people.
It isn't enough to change how I see him.

Having been on both and all sides of assault,

I don't think this was one.
She says.
I don't talk much for the rest of the conversation.
When I finish my coffee I leave.
We don't talk again.

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