Trapped

I'm a young adult (20 years old) who wrote this as a way of venting my frustrations about where my head is at with work, college, and the rest of my life. It might have some cliches, but it was somewhat cathartic to write. Without further ado:

From the beginning, I’ve been trapped.

Trapped within an existence that I could not and did not consent to.

Trapped within my own genetics, which predisposed me to self-sabotage and panic.

Trapped within my own head, which does not know if my failures are my diseases, or if they are me simply not being good enough.

Trapped within a nonstop series of work that I can’t seem to get right at all.

Trapped within repetition, where just when it feels progress is beginning, I’m only taking more steps back.

Trapped within evils, not knowing which one will ruin me for good.

Will I be trapped to a debt that will hang over me for life, while I don’t know if what I’m doing will even be worth it?

Will I be trapped to quitting, where if I give up, I can only find work in low-paying, horrible places and live an entire life of meaningless repetition?

Will it be neither, and there could be an unforeseen circumstance that inflicts heavier suffering?

Still, the trapped feeling remains.

I fear that I cannot stop panicking and sabotaging myself, and that perhaps this is my life.

I fear that I may never understand what I want for myself.

I fear that all the love I have for my loved ones will only wind up bringing them down with me.

I fear that none of my past triumphs over my sorrow and adversity will amount to anything now.

Despite being told that I’m young and will figure it out, all I can do is fear.

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