This is so sweet. I really like it. Simple and fun, it made me think of books that were read to me as a child. Nostalgic. I found mentioning the different dance styles a nice addition, and for some reason pointing out that she actually has muddy pants in the first stanza made me giggle. I wouldn’t change anything!

OK.  Well, I don't think it was bad before just repetitive.  So I might change it back.  I'm thinking of trying to get these illustrated and self publish so I'm just thinking about how maybe a six year old would read it/hear it. Thanks for your input!

I feel worse. It doesn't flow as good, it become a bit jumpy maybe.

 But I agree with the feeling it might have been abit repetitive before. 

Although, my mind tend to dislike change at first, then ease into it. So have that in mind.

Hey there.  I just changed this a bit as I thought having Magic Mrs. muddypants...At the beginning of every couplet was excessive so I made it into a refrain with three quatrains.  Do you think this is better,neutral, or worse than before?  Thanks!

Thank you for bringing a smile to this place!

>Her jazz dance makes the turtles fly
>
>up into the midnight sky.

Thats my favourite. What an image.

This should be illustrated! I want to see Magic Mrs. Muddypants at work!:)

Wow.  Thank you for such detailed feedback. I always appreciate it when people take the time to respond so in depth. It was meant to be somewhat nonsensical and not in any way metaphorical but I see where you are going with your critiques.  Thanks again for the feedback.


Magic Mrs. Muddypants

dances when she has the chance.

She stretches up and bends her knees.

Her pants, though muddy, move with ease.

--
Magic Mrs. Muddypants

dances when she has the chance.

Her dance can do most anything.

Her ballet dance makes rainbows sing.

--

Magic Mrs. Muddypants

dances when she has the chance.

Her jazz dance makes the turtles fly

up into the midnight sky.

--

Magic Mrs. Muddypants

dances when she has the chance.

Her rumba makes the planets giggle,

while salsa makes the flowers wiggle.

--

Magic Mrs. Muddypants

dances when she has the chance.

Her tango turns a turnip teal.

Her tap dance makes the fairies kneel.

--

Magic Mrs. Muddypants

dances when she has the chance.

Her dance brings happiness to all.

She loves it too.  She has a ball.



https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/9964xt/winds_from_far_away/e4lszd5/

https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/996em7/men_once_hunted_mammoths/e4lu10x/
