“Malik” A short piece I wrote about the darkest time of my life.

“Kyle, it’s time to get up, I need to take your vitals,” were not the first words I was used to hearing on Christmas morning. As for the woman talking to me it wasn’t my mother, it was my nurse. I spent Christmas morning in 2016 inside of a psych ward at an abysmal Glenn Oaks hospital following a suicide attempt. That morning I ate my cold eggs and watched Fast and the Furious with no friends, no family, and no allies. Holding back tears in baggy grey sweatpants and charcoal black rubber flip flops provided by the hospital. They took my shoes when I was admitted because, Drawstrings and shoelaces weren’t allowed in the unit so nobody hung themselves.

They provided all of the patients with socks too, ones with dots of white rubber grip on the underside and a stick figure-esque smiley face on the front. Ironic huh? As I made an attempt to eat, a tear rolled off my nose and I watched as it hit the floor between my feet.

My eyes shifted to the smiley face on my sock that was poking through the flip flop. “Are they just mocking us with these stupid things,” I actually said out loud.

“Man what in the hell could you possibly have against a smiling face?!” Malik, a permanent resident of the psych ward said as he looked up from his coloring book.

It was then that I started thinking; thinking about where I am, where I have been and where I want to be.

If they say life is like a rollercoaster, than my ride got stuck at the bottom for quite some time. Still, as I looked at that stupid smiley face on my sock I thought about all of the success I have had and how much more I have to achieve. I remember setting goals for myself in that foul smelling, dimly lit Psych Ward on Christmas morning. I will go back and finish school. I will better myself and those around me. I will fight through these demons in my head. I will, I will, I will; because I can’t afford to not.

“Malik”

-KT