Lived in a car for newrly a year. Life isnt getting better

First I left a job I liked for a job with double the wage.

Then my head got fucked up and I got depressed and started hearing things that weren't there.

I lost my job because I'm fucking crazy, I got violent and just a nasty piece of work because I kept thinking people.had said stuff to my face when it was just the shit in my head.

Then I lose the room I was renting because no job.

Tried to kill myself through a window but I just fucked up my hand, arm, leg and back.

So now I've lived in a car for half a year.

I'm not gonna get a job because I've fucked everything up, don't have a bank account or a fixed address is no one will fucking hire me even just to drive a van.

Then when I was living in my car, busking to get by (drink a lot) the FIRST NIGHT in months of get to sleep inside at a friend's house, someone breaks into my car and steals literally everything I own apart from my phone. So I have 0 income.

I eat out of bins, I leech of the few friends who haven't (rightly) cut all contact. I smoke bits of fucking cig people leave. My hand never healed right and now it's cold it hurts all the time.

What the fuck is the point. I can't even work myself up to die again because it was fucking horrific the first time. I thought it would feel like a release but but was just pure horror. There wasnt any regret but it was the worst thing I've ever done, even through I wanted it to happen.

I've spoken to lots of companies like shelter but there's so many fucking useless cunts like me that even if they put me in the waiting list there's a 5 month wait and I would only be taking up a place from someone who might actually do something with their life.

Every five minutes I think about stabbing myself in the neck over and over until it's all over. But I can't because I'm a coward now.

Can't join the army and die there due to my mental health.

Hopefully I'll just freeze to death in my sleep but I'm not that lucky.

Not asking for help or even advice.

I just needed to moan about how I fucked my own life up.

Fuck.