The Wheel

A curious scene greets me from the womb;

a wide and deep hole, my bottomless tomb.

Up to the horizon, the ground barren and plain,

so in front of this hole I am forced to remain.

A forceful gale pushes me to the edge so steep.

A voice echos in my mind, "Will you make the leap?".

Above the dark abyss, does my foot rise.

Then I balk after hearing faint, grieving cries.

Are they those of others or are they my own? 

Perhaps both; mine of fear, the rest, mourn.

Instead of stepping in, I turn on my heel,

but still I stare into my grave with each turn of The Wheel.

I always manage to walk away from that pit.

And The Wheel turns once more and then I forget.

​

The time of one's youth sets the stage

for who one becomes in the future age.

All are bestowed with their own unique strengths.

Mine were not in the body or the heart, but the brain.

Sticks and stones is what they say

but that doesn't take the pain away.

I decide the solution is a bottle of lye,

but not to the hospital did I arrive.

Instead to the mental ward; fear trumped the ingest.

In vain to aid me, counselors did their best.

After I am discharged, to school I return but

I am greeted by another myriad words like paper cuts.

My classroom desk, a bath of vinegar for years I sit,

But The Wheel turns once more and then I forget.

​

My age of ripeness dawns and I slowly discover

more than I realized before, that I am other.

On my family's camera, a photograph of a friend there is.

In secret, I stare at it for hours, transfixed.

But opposite of me, this friend was not.

For he was the same. "This is wrong," I was taught.

I keep myself hidden to avoid prejudice and hate

but still keep in mind my imminent, infernal fate.

Then I teeter over the edge of my house's roof.

But jump I do not, for my fear is bulletproof.

The self-hatred piles and becomes surlier and surlier.

But thanks to that logical mind I mentioned earlier,

I kill my God and relinquish that wretched closet

And The Wheel turns once more and then I forget.

​

Through community college, my strong mind gets me through.

I also receive two formal accolades in my major too.

But after transferring to a prestigious university,

thus begins to shake my intelligent identity. 

The 200 students in the lecture are just as smart as me.

They're probably even smarter, plus don't have my disabilities.

Work piles up and my goals shift from A's to C's.

Meanwhile everyone else seems to think it's just a breeze.

Even a plethora of medication and therapy can only help so much.

And then I begin to overuse the former like a crutch.

A web search reveals a towering bridge just out of state.

I prepared a note and road map and then I lied in wait.

But right now I'm hanging on and I must constantly remind myself of this:

The Wheel will turn once more and without fail, I will forget.

---

(This is my first ever piece, by the way.)

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/9vwvwd/the_day_the_world_changed/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/9vybxf/ghosts/