So you are interested in BDSM. Where can you start?

So you are interested in BDSM. You want to get a bit more involved in this activity. Where the heck can you start?

Well just so we can be clear here let's deal with some definitions.

BDSM: Bondage, Discipline, Sado (Sadism), Masochism.

Bondage: in this case the definition here is like this. The state or practice of being physically restrained, as by being tied up, chained, or put in handcuffs, for sexual gratification. That is the third reference from Dictionary.com. It is an oversimplification but let's not get to complicated here.

Discipline: training to act in accordance with rules. The first reference in Dictionary.com Once again an over simplification but I am not trying to write a book here.

Sadism: sexual gratification gained through causing pain or degradation to others. 1st reference in Dictionary.com and boy do I think that is a bit in error. I think the shirt I wear describes it better. Sadism: One who cares enough to inflict the very best.

I like that definition better.

Masochism: gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification. The second reference from Dictionary.com Not a bad definition but again very much lacking.

This is commonly referred to as a fetish. Which the #4 reference in Dictionary.com refers to as "An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation." I would agree it is a fixation but not necessarily an obsessive one for all people. For some yes.

What the BDSM scene is not is a place for rapists, pedophiles, flashers, and deviants that think consent is a type of perfume.

Again consent is the item that separates those with a healthy sexual expression and those who end up on a sex offenders list. The community venues that are part of the BDSM do background checks to make sure members are not sex offenders because it can tarnish reputations.

So the idea of ropes, chains and or whips, leather, latex, and other toys holds a certain appeal for you. Excellent, you can enjoy things like that guilt free in the BDSM community.

Now how do you fit into the community? Well let's do some more definitions (Damn, who knew there would be so much grammar).

Dom, Domme, Dominatrix, Top: This is basically a person who does the work. They do the tying, the whipping, the inflicting. They perform the actions on another person or persons. Domme and Dominatrix are the female vernacular. Top is not gender specific and in some cases removes the sado tendencies associated with Doms and Dommes. This is splitting hairs but I mention because if I don't someone will fail me for not mentioning it.

Masochist, sub, slave, bottom: Again general grouping here. This is the one having something done to them. They are the ones who are getting tied, whipped, cupped, or blindfolded. Strictly speaking Masochists enjoy pain to some degree or another. Subs or submissives relinquish control to some extent. Bottoms allow something to be performed on them by giving permission. Bottoms may not have any masochistic or submissive tendencies. A sub may have all or some of the tendencies. Subs may perform certain actions as part of the control from cleaning to whatever depending on what suits them. In some cases a certain level of humiliation may or may not be involved. Again this is very general.

Switch: A person who chooses one role or the other for a variety of reasons. They may be a top one day and a bottom the next.

Rope Slut(Rope can be replaced by chain, leather, latex or other). Someone who enjoys being tied up and receives a certain erotic enjoyment out of it. They may not be masochistic. They may just really enjoy the feel of rope on their flesh.

You can get more elaborate to things like pet and pony play and similar. As a Dom or a top you can specialize in something like certain forms of rope work to certain of of electric or fireplay. Things don't have to be complicated. A blindfold and furry handcuffs are wonderful.

Where can you find like minded individuals. Hmmm I wonder.....

1. Reddit's BDSM Community <-- Shameless plug

2. Fetlife An online community for those into BDSM and other fetishes.

3. Collarme Another online community for those interested in BDSM and other activities.

4. Bondage.com This is also Erotica type community. However be warned it is also a pay site for certain privileges.

There are also BDSM groups on most of the social networking sites such as facebook and myspace. There are also mailing groups with Yahoo and Google.

If you want to try and do something more in person. I would recommend looking for a club or social group in your area. A munch is a get together at a public place in street clothes where people will go and hang out and socialize and discuss activities and events and stories. You can put into google, your city munch (bdsm) and usually if there is a good one in your area it will show up. Fetlife does tend to keep a pretty up to date listing of activities. At a munch it is just a chance to socialize in a vanilla setting (vanilla refers to normal or plain setting or person(s). Barbra is vanilla but her boyfriend Bob is not, means Bob is kinky and Barbra isn't.) You are not expected to take on any activities at a munch.

Club party or club scene: A fetish or BDSM party held at some location that is semi public in it's knowledge base. On Fridays nights The Dragon club has a fetish night. This may be by invitation or completely open to the public. There is usually a dress code and club rules on what activities may take place. Know what they are before you do anything.

Private Party: A strictly invitation only event usually held with almost no public knowledge. They may have stricter rules such as high protocol (people are addressed by title, Master, Slave, ect., eye contact rules, slave quarters, Dom areas, etc). However the limits on actions may be lower. Needle play and penetration may be fine at a private party and not at a club party. Know your rules.

Many of the major cities usually have fetish social groups that will get together and do teaching seminars. This is a wonderful chance for those with limited experience to learn new activities. I highly recommend if you can attend these do so.

Mentoring: When a person or persons takes on an apprentice. These can be limited to strictly instructional to almost lifestyle.

You should also read up on this as much as possible.

SM101. An excellent book all around. Written by one of the finer minds in the BDSM community.

Screw the roses, send me the thorns A very good beginner guide to understanding BDSM.

The Loving Dominant Another excellent resource for beginners.

The Handbook of Knots If you are going to work rope, you must know the knots.

One of the more difficult aspects is trying to say what the BDSM community is. Why should that be difficult. Because with any community the people in it are unique and so are their attributes. Some people may be into ropes others into chains. Some into rubber or latex. Some into humiliation. Some into electric play while others thing needle play is just awesome. Some may be into multiple aspects . Some may have open relationships. Some are very monogamous. Some love the term slut others hate it. So I put forth a few generalities here to give a basic idea. This could be something you practice in the privacy of your own home and it never goes beyond that. This could be something you are open and public about. The choices are yours to make.

So you got questions?

For those that tl;dr : A brief synopsis on what are some of the basics in BDSM and where to start.