I love Sayori! (For real. I wrote an essay.)

Ooh, ooh, new meme! Can I join in? I may be a little late, but never TOO late!

Well... okay, it's not entirely like that. I'd wanted to talk about this for a while, just so that the record can be set straight. If anyone particularly cares about or knows me, here's a good chance to get to know my story, and my torrid love for Sayori (In both senses) so... come, I invite you to sit a time.

Oh, also, the majority of this is spoiler-free, however, Part 3.5 onward talk about game events in depth that may ruin a new player's experience. Consider this the warning to new players. And new players, please stay off this sub until you've made it through the game. It's rife with spoilers.

To begin, I'll start of with the most blanket statement I can on this topic. Sayori felt like one big gut punch designed specifically for me. I know that other players probably have that feeling, and so do probably dozens of Sayorians, but I want to explain my case in detail. The best way I can tackle this is... well, section by section. So I'll go in as chronological an order as I can here.

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Part 1 - Looks

Let's get one thing out of the way. In real life, especially in video games, and VERY especially in something like a visual novel, a character's appearance should tell you a lot about them. And while you can't really glean a lot about the girls from their designs alone (besides the obvious) their posing is absolutely astounding at conveying information. For example, Yuri's default pose, where she keeps her arms behind her back. The likely is that she doesn't even notice she's doing it, but she is keeping her arms intentionally out of sight, for fear that her scars would be exposed. However, this also presents her front in an open, confident manner, which makes sense when you're trying to be a classy, frankly rather pompous lady.

This is an excellent image for breaking down each Doki and I recommend everyone reading this article goes and looks through it. I'll wait.

With that in mind, Sayori was instantly pleasing to me. She had that openness mentioned in the article, and the sweet, innocent vibe that I'm always a sucker for. I also absolutely LOVED her appearance, since it was so far from the stock standard. The unbuttoned blazer (Which makes her bent down poses all the better, ahhhh!), those captivating blue eyes (Satchley is great at drawing eyes, I literally get lost in them) and that cute as hell messy collar. Oh, and her hair is perfect. Coral color (impossible anime hair to the rescue) with a messy style and a cute little bow. It's like she's always just rolled out of bed and I love her.

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Part 2 - Childhood Friend

When I mentioned that I felt like Sayori was a shot directly at me... well, this is where it starts. For a bit of context, childhood friend characters are some of my favorites, and people who have childhood friends irl are ones I'm most jealous of. Even my mother has some people that she knew ever since they was in matching cribs, but...

Well, let's just say that between my introverted nature, my antisocial tendencies, and the fact that this school year has been the... eleventh? Time I've changed schools, I have trouble getting people irl close to me. Especially now that I know that everyone (including myself) hides behind their persona, as is required by society. I'm really a very open person, that's why I can share all of this here without a problem, I just... I'm not going to tell that kind of thing to acquaintances. Strangers, yes. Acquaintances who I have to see for a long while? No.

So naturally, it's always my favorite fantasy to have a friend that you know so deeply. You've known each other for years, You can joke around, and have that rare, deep level of care and affection. You know each other extremely well, and can absolutely trust them. And of course, cause I didn't know. I played along, just a fiddler on the deck. But this too was an appeal to Sayori, and part of the reason why I still love her.

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Part 3 - Personality

Digging into my VN preferences, you will actually most usually find that I'm attracted to the shy, adorable type. And yeah, I know, Yuri exists and is beautiful. But I actually also find myself attracted to those that foil me. Considering I am perpetually tired and usually pretty outwardly sullen, having the happy, bundle of energy and sunshine to push me to be better and to... spend time with. Word choice, man.

Anyway, this too was part of my fantasy. I loved every second of Sayori's happy act, and it never fails to make me smile to think that she may be like that for real one day. However, it IS only an act.

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Part 3.5 - PERSONAlity.

In Jungian psychology, there is an idea that everyone, and that means everyone, in society is wearing a mask. The idea that everyone presents a public face, one that is meant to make an impression on others and conceal the true nature of an individual, including the nastiness that is at our cores. That true sound is then denied and repressed. That repressed nature is called your shadow, and that mask is called a persona.

Needless to say, Sayori uses the persona of a Genki Girl to cope with and hide her depression. After all, if everyone else is happy, then who cares what you're feeling? I'm actually pretty familiar with this feeling. Especially with the girl mentioned below, I served as a dump for other people's problems. Probably way too young TO be that dump for problems and baggage. So I understood that feeling of giving up my own happiness to ease the burden of those around me.

Sayori's depression hit me like a ton of bricks. Not because of the surprise of it being within her. Not because she was able to lie to her friend like that for years. Not because of what it lead to. Because of all those things... in part. But most importantly, because I had a very personal, face to face encounter with severe depression.

There was a girl in my life... let's call her... Samantha. I had met this girl online, and we had become close quickly. I was still young at this time, just in middle school, but I was mature for my age. I still think I am. She and I got along well, but one very obvious thing was that she had absolutely horrible circumstances. Her parents were divorced, she was bullied, she constantly got into fights, and she was afflicted with severe depression. Some days her sleep or food deprivation was so bad that she would pass out, and she acted nonchalant about all of it.

She used to cut herself, and... on my watch and almost by my hand (I made some very poor choices while trying to calm her down.) almost killed herself one night. Thank God, or whatever is up there, she made it through the night. But for the next four years of my life, to this very day, I regret my horrible decisions and am grateful beyond belief that she is alive. We are still friends, four years later. She has since insisted that it was okay, I was panicking and acting natural, and that she forgives me, but I'm still not sure I can forgive myself.

Especially not after what happened to Sayori.

Sayori was the other side of the mirror. Sayori was what happened if Samantha wasn't strong that night. Sayori is what happens when I made the same mistakes I did in real life, with consequences. And it shattered me.

This too... this endeared Sayori to me in a way I never thought possible. And this raw, realistic impression of depression, one that sticks with me in a way I didn't think imaginable, is a contributor to why I love Sayori. After all, if you can love someone's worst sides, what else is there left to turn away from?

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Part 4 - Narrative

Since Sayo-nara happened, I had finished the rest of the game, getting more depressed by the second, needing to help the other Dokis because gdi they all need love, and eventually rolled credits after a quick endgame visit by Sayori.

It wasn't until I returned a year later, having learned much more about writing, that I was able to pick apart just how genius Sayori's character was.

Take, for example, her death scene. You find her hanging in her room. Alright, nothing special about that, other than the genre just shifted and the moe is absolutely ruined. (Well, if you're going to say moe by definition, it eventually came back tenfold BECAUSE of it, but that's besides the point)

But notice the little details. How it had to happen suddenly once you open the door. If the time had been taken to load a CG, it wouldn't have happened so suddenly. It had to be a sprite. Additionally, hanging was one of the few ways it would have worked. If she had... say, overdosed on medication, it could initially be mistaken as her still being asleep. Lost punch. If she had, for example, shot herself, then it could have been taken as potential murder. You question, and then it loses it's punch.

Hanging was one of the few and only ways we would have known she was dead right away. Even if it makes us face her dead on. Ugh, it's like she's staring at the camera anyway. It still freaks me the fuck out. Also of note were her bloodied fingers. Even in death, she's consistently held to be a klutz, not properly hanging herself.

PLEASE, never ever ever hang yourself... but if you have to, at least make sure the rope's short. It's faster to break your neck or crush your windpipe than to suffocate, like Sayori. Now, never ever utilize that information.

On a slightly brighter note, that little turning point of genius aside, I actually really like how Sayori's re-contextualized in Act II. Even after her arc is pretty much over, we're still learning more about her because of what happens when she ISN'T there.

For example, if you look back to the morning of Act II and compare it to the morning of Act I, you can see just how much the MC actually cared about Sayori in the first opening, annoyance aside. Look at the stark contrast between the lonely morning of Act II to the generally upbeat feeling of walking to school with Sayori.

And even if their negative traits ran wild, Natsuki and Yuri wouldn't be arguing so hard if Sayori was there. She really was the golden heart of the Literature Club. And this, of course, is part of why I love Sayori.

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Part 5 - Relateable

As mentioned previously, I related pretty heavily on my first run through to the near martyrdom Sayori has towards her friends when it comes to happiness. Though I'm not Saint Ignatius, I do really try to help, regardless of how it makes me feel.

Of course... nowadays, I find myself actually struggling against depression. Lemme tell you, that raincloud analogy doesn't feel so inaccurate now. My life feels constantly "overcast". I mean, real talk, I came home from school today, cuddled my pillow and became a crying mess because of my thoughts. Though I don't remember exactly what I had said to myself, it wasn't flattering. Ech... that probably SOUNDS really inaccurate, but I'm not sure how else to describe my recent emotional state other than depressed. Though asking me to define that depression is a struggle.

But I just love the way that Sayori... is. Even if I wish she could just be happy. That's part of why I love her.

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Part 6 - Closing

I just... I really wish I had Sayori in my life. I want nothing more than to comfort her, to help her. I want to feel her warm touch, and I just want to be with her. Even if she probably wouldn't love me (tbf I'm pretty icky) I just want to help her. She's an adorable cinnamon bun of an angel, and thinking about her brings a little more fuel to my soul's waning fire.

I know these may not all be happy reasons, and I can go into any other reasons if asked. But for now, this is why I love Sayori.