I Love The Man Who Cheated And Lied

TD;LR I finally get the boy of my dreams and he destroyed any of the self confidence I had left. But I still love him.

I knew him all of highschool, and even though it's naive, it was love at first sight. Ripped clothes, bad haircut, sad blue eyes that had seen too much at 17 and all. I was too shy to say hello. He still makes me feel shy sometimes.

Even though I may have been too young at the time for him to do so, he couldn't help but ask me out. He was my first kiss. He was a sweet friend. But I scared him away when I told him the truth, that I loved him. Because I did, even though I was younger than he was and probably didn't completely understand why. He was scared and ran away, but I don't blame him for that. Especially since he had never heard those words before.

After he ran he chased around other girls, girls who only wanted his body. None of them lasted long. And I watched as he hurt himself, making more bad decisions to dull the pain.

A year after he ran from me I watched him start a new relationship. I'd never seen such a spark in his eyes. He was kind and perfect to this girl. He spoiled her and didn't seem to notice she didn't care. Her eyes were selfish and hungry. I spent quite a bit of time with the both of them since we were in the same clubs, and the fact that they bought me my illegal, underage cigarettes.

Even while in this relationship, this boy always found a way to be there for me. He'd swing by in the summer and rouse me from my bed of depression. We made cookie towers and watched funny videos until my medication made me fall asleep. Sometimes he'd make me put on shoes and we'd walk to visit his girlfriend at work to take smoke breaks. He didn't realize what he did for me.

After that summer, he left. His girlfriend begged him not to go away to college and he threw away a full scholarship. It didn't matter anyways because he ended up moving even farther away where he'd train to live in the sea. For America. He didn't come to say goodbye to me, even though he promised to. So I tried my best to move on, and found someone else to give me attention.

I started dating the first guy who gave me that attention even though he was unkind, but that's a different story for another time. But while the boy was away, fate had it that I became best friends with his girlfriend. And she was an awful bitch.

She cheated and lied and I hated listening to his rare phone calls home, where I'd hear his lonely crying and her cold responses. She was sleeping with another of his friends, a girl. And then she ran off and married her manager a few months later. Again, another story. And when this boy got hurt and was put in the ICU during training, she spread nasty lies about him.

I saw him when he got home. He was broken. My boyfriend and I would pick him up and drive him around the town and try to lift his spirits, but it didn't work. We found him a sweet little girl who worked at the bowling alley, but he didn't want her. So we got him to move in with my boyfriend in a big college city to find a job. I stayed in our hometown.

When I came to visit, he was worse than before. He was drowned in sadness. Even though it was my boyfriend's house, I spent more time trying to cheer my dear friend up. One night, we talked all night and he ended up kissing me. He wanted more, but I refused because he was too sad to be making love. And that's what I wanted, to make love to him. He was kicked out of my boyfriend's house because he told the truth and took responsibility for his actions towards me.

Then, as fate would have it again, a year to the day of that incident, my then ex-boyfriend gets a text from him. He wants to visit us. I still lived there with my ex because he had plenty of rooms in his house and we were all going to school. By this point, another friend of our's lived there too. She and I did everything together.

So our boy ends up moving back in. He's sad again from another girl who used him for his body and money. And I still loved him, so the second he moved in I shared his bed and talked to him like he did for me that summer so long ago. We never made love together, but at night when he thought I was asleep he'd kiss my forehead and whisper his love for me. I shouldn't have believed him.

This is where he cheated. One night him, my close girl friend who lived with us, and I were watching a movie. He cuddled up close to me, playing with my hair and the hems of my clothes. I felt very pretty for the first time. But then something weird happened. He took his hands away from me, and I watched him touch the other girl. I moved to the other couch and started crying. They turned off the movie. I cried harder. I got ignored so I finally screamed out a question. Do you want me to leave so you can fuck? He just looked at me like I was a bad dog who wouldn't stop scratching at the door. My friend didn't know about him and I, so I don't blame her, but she didn't say anything either, just turned on some music. I left the room sobbing and had to listen to them have sex next door to my room.

What gave him the right to touch my body and say he loved me just so he could cheat on me? It would have been different if he hadn't started touching me first. And once he switched it was obvious he didn't want me. But why did he have to use my body first? At that moment he ruined all the friendship we had shared and the love and the support. I slept in his bed for days and weeks everynight to take care of him, and he trades me.

I haven't felt pretty since. Even though he tells me every day now.