Voice Assistant Recommendations, Anyone?

I want a voice assistant, like Alexa, Alice, Cortana, or even "Okay, Google!" type of feature or app.

One that can, at most, set a timer when I scream at it. I tried Alexa and Alice apps, but Alexa kept crashing and Alice sucked so much ass it wouldn't even work. Doubt Cortana will be any better...

Any recommendations, does anyone scream at their chromebook? Would be cool if it could also open up apps.