My herpes story (with a happy ending!)

I wanted to share my story since it’s been on my mind lately and maybe it might help someone else?

Some relevant background to start. I went to school in the Texas public school system so you can imagine what that meant for my sex ed. I didn’t have sex until I was 18 and eventually married that guy. I was confident in the idea that I had done sex the “right” way.

Flash forward to my late 20s and I’m getting a divorce. The later years of my marriage were a messy thing and after the separation I went and had myself some fun casual sex. I had one FWB in particular that we had unprotected sex a few times after I got an IUD. Then I got my first OB. I thought it was a yeast infection at first and I made a doctor’s appointment. That doctor was really shitty and just waved me off with some negative test results. Meanwhile my symptoms were getting worse and it hurt to move my pelvis at all. This doctor was much better and actually looked me over. I was in a lot of pain and she told me I had a whole bunch of spots. She told me it was most likely herpes but that I would have to wait for test results to be 100% certain. I remember laying there silently with tears running down my face as she calmly told me the facts about herpes and what I could do to treat my symptoms.

My main reaction was shame. My gut was telling me that I had done a bad thing by having sex outside a relationship and unprotected at that. This was my punishment for doing things I shouldn’t and now I was dirty and no one would want to be with me. I got the diagnosis and had a few more days of intense grieving but then something just clicked in my head. I had read that subsequent OBs are typically along the lines of a mild cold and I started thinking how most everyone gets colds and you try to avoid contact with others to avoid spreading it but that doesn’t make you a dirty person (Not a perfect metaphor, but that’s just where my mind went). After that, I was fine.

It was very nerve-wracking to tell the person I got it from. He was asymptotic and had no idea he even had it and I had to be the one to tell him. It’s still nerve-wracking to tell people I want to have sex with, but almost every time my partner has just been really chill about it and it’s been getting easier. I was diagnosed in August of 2017 and I’ve had many sexual partners since then. I’ve even told a couple friends about it. A lot of people tell me they knew nothing about herpes before I told them and I’ve kind of become a walking fact book about it. I just want to tell anyone that is freaked out about their diagnosis that it’s gonna be fine. The stigma sucks but you can get through it.