It has been 11 months since goodbye

I still find it hard to speak about my breakup. I was so lucky to meet a girl like her, and I know how slim the odds are of every doing so again. She was an international student studying in my city. Of course she was beautiful, blonde, petite, and feminine. Her fashion and dress was sophisticated, and complimented me. More than all that, she was intelligent, an honours student, and we could discuss anything and everything as equals. She was a talented pianist, and vocalist. I loved watching her recitals; and her musical ability rekindled my passion for playing piano. We would cook dinners together, and I enjoyed cooking new things for her.

At first I didn't want to have a serious relationship with her. However she eventually became part of my life and my family. We dated for 2 years, and I was prepared to ask her to marry me. Yet, I still had to sort myself out in several aspects. I was a mature student, waitlisted to return to my degree program; I felt I had to complete my degree before marriage. I also wanted to be set in a career before taking the next step together. This time last year, our relationship began to cool off. She stopped staying over during the week, and used the excuse of having to study. I convinced myself that I needed to support her focus on academics. I had also just lost my job, and was enjoying having more free time to myself. We started to drift apart; and I tried to communicate what I felt was going wrong between us. Then it was Christmas.

She was going back home to her country to visit her family; and I was going abroad to join my family on vacation. It would be our first holiday apart. We texted daily, and shared pictures. I picked her up from the airport in the new year, and felt the instant change. She didn't kiss me hello. She didn't want to stay over, and I rationalized that she was jet lagged and had classes the next morning. But then she stopped calling. Snapchat stories stopped too. It was a week after the holidays, when we sat down to communicate. She told me that she had been accepted into an exchange program and was leaving that week. I was shocked. She told me that she wanted to be young, and free, and that she wouldn't continue our relationship long-distance. I supported her choices, and let her know that I had expected a different outcome. We slept together, and then said goodbye.

I don't want to be jaded, but it is hard to think that over the course of a few months someone who loved you and who was talking about marriage, could up and leave. I haven't been the same since. I think of her daily. I know that she has moved on. I've tried to meet other women, to date, and to focus on myself. I can't escape the feeling that I was so lucky to meet a girl like her. That my heart is bankrupt by the age of thirty and I have less to offer each time I start with someone new.