I quit.

It's time for me to die. I can't do this anymore. 

I'm better off dead and youre better off if I'm dead, too. 

I can't live with this trauma anymore. I can't live this lonely life of pure isolation and constant flashbacks anymore. Anyone who has ever cared about me is absolutely sick of me at best, and they have raped me at worst. And I dont blame them. I deserve to be abandoned. And I deserve to be raped. 

And if I deserve to be raped, what's stopping me from deserving to die? 

Absolutely nothing. 

I deserve to die, and everyone knows it.

Ive gotten the right materials and plan to make sure I dont fuck up this time, and to make sure I can't be saved. 

Everyone is better off if I'm dead. EVERYONE. 

I'm so hyperaware of that its not even funny. 

I ruin everyone's lives. 

I have no hope of ever getting better. 

I know this. Everyone else knows this. 

I will die the way I lived: isolated from humanity. The only difference is my death will be way more useful than my life and will bring happiness to more people.