Suicide inspiration

I want to kill myself... it’s something I’ve said, it’s something I’ve tried to do, I’m no longer ashamed of what I’ve done but it’s still in my head to make me regret for years to come. Doctors say depression is a mental health but it’s not, it’s not and it never will be it’s a dark cloud constantly hovering above your head just pouring thoughts into your mind and telling you to do horrible horrible things, You can get so many thoughts put into your head that you eventually adjust to what your mind is being told. People say it’s okay to not be okay but honestly it’s not, it’s not okay to not be okay you can put up with it yes but it’s not okay to atleast try to talk to someone about your so called “mental health”. You could be smiling bigger than robin Williams and yet still just like him you could have those thoughts in your head telling you to frown, telling you to run away and hide form everyone. You can’t escape it but you can ignore it you can help yourself become happy again if you tell yourself that your not depressed and that your happy. Ignore the idiots around you saying your ugly, saying you have no worth, saying no one cares about you because someone out there does, it may possibly not be anyone around you but I promise you atleast 1 person out of the 7 billion people does. So keep talking to people, keep telling people your story because one day someone out there will listen someone out here will understand and eventually you’ll be relieved that the someone out there understands what your going through and you’ll be able to relate, you’ll finally know that your not alone. I already found mine, if I can push everyone away and yet still find that one person that can understand me so can you.