Wanted opinions on what I discussed w my therapist tonight

We have been digging into my childhood trauma and doing a lot of CBT. Basically we go back to a memory and talk about the thoughts/beliefs I had at the time, and then challenge them.

She helped me challenge distortions by making me try to look at the situation from both sides, with no bias. And basically what we concluded was that my mom did some bad/hurtful things but in some twisted backwards way it was the only way she knew how to parent and that’s how she showed she cared - however misguided and wrong she was. She wanted me to try and view my mom as a maladjusted, emotionally unhealthy person, rather than an evil monster.

I was getting kind of frustrated bc while I fully saw her point, I felt like we were giving my mom a pass and excusing behavior. She understood my reluctance to do so and assured me that exploring other points of view doesn’t excuse my mom’s behavior and will serve in MY recovery. That doing this is for my benefit, not my moms.

Kind of like when people say that forgiveness is more for yourself than it is for the other person. I never understood that line of thinking. If I’m forgiving you, how am I not giving you an unwarranted pass for your behavior?