Long overdue Facebook Slut Update

As the title says, this update is way long overdue. 8 months to be exact. A ton has happened in this time: divorce, (still in the paperwork stage) finding new love, and reuniting with Facebook Slut. That's right. NC ended roughly six months ago with the separation from my soon-to-be-ex-husband.

To start with, the separation from my ex was messy. In being honest on an anonymous forum, I had an affair after years of being neglected emotionally. Does that excuse what I did? No. Affairs are wrong and rather than attempting to repair the marriage I had long been wanting out of I choose to walk away after the first cheating. I'm not really interested in hearing the "you are a terrible person" comments either. I know what I did was wrong and I'm doing the best I can to make my life for me and my LO as smooth a transition as possible. To be honest, divorce was on the table for me for some time; I just chose to end it in a spectacularly messy way. I'm only telling this because this is a huge part of why I reunited with FS.

She's still a slut for those book of faces likes/reactions from my LO and her golden kids. That part of her will never change. But when the shit above went down I realized I needed someone with divorce experience to be on my side. I reached out to her, and she has been surprisingly very supportive. Does she agree with what I did? No. Again, affairs are horrible and messy things. She was though highly supportive of me finally doing right by myself and getting out of a marriage that everyone and their dog could see was not going well. In past posts, I called him D(ear)H because I thought he was on my side and supportive of me. All along though I realized he was attempting to isolate me and make me dependent on his own family. I know moving across the country was my idea but once we got here, it was clear he wanted us to be completely dependent on his parents for everything. That and he was soooo happy to be able to come home from work and act like a useless teenager again.

It all came to a head when I started interacting with a guy I met through shared similar hobbies. I realized that there was something significantly wrong with my marriage and there was a lot missing from it. The friendship blossomed into feelings quickly, and the random thoughts of divorce became a pressing issue for me. I realized that I was sacrificing my whole self to please a man that barely attended to my physical needs let alone the emotional ones. Ex was also pushing to purchase a house 50/50 with the inlaws, and I realized I could happily live with them for the next 30 years (she actually was a nice MIL) but I absolutely could not stand to tie myself that long to him. One scary almost-cancer surgery from me later that he provided zero support to and I was done. I met up with the man I met and ended my marriage the same weekend.

Moving back to FS so that this doesn't turn into a JustNoSO post on both sides. She was scared that I was making life-altering decisions so quickly, she recognized my need to feel wanted in a lifelong relationship, and she urged me to find peace with myself before committing in another marriage. I expected her to be less than helpful and instead found her ready to be my shoulder to cry on when being a suddenly single mom got too hard. While she isn't the mother I have always needed I believe she is the one I need when times get tough. I also believe ex pushed me to NC despite his verbiage otherwise. He was quick to put down my mother and point out things he thought she did out of line. Some were, of course, wrong (badgering my sibling until they cried) others were not (complaining about people not cleaning up their spills in the kitchen). Over time it wore on me and did a toll on the relationship. She had a visit from LO when ex went to hometown for a visit and was wonderful with them. There was drama from a sibling, but that is cause they are dealing with heavy shit that medication can't seem to fix. FS actually listened when I put my foot down over the phone and demanded the drama to end because (quoting myself) "That is my child and you will listen to what I say. I am the mother. I get to make the decisions, and you have to listen." I just have to deal with FS shenanigans with a shiny spine, and I think it will be alright. I still can't trust her as far as I can throw her but I trust myself to be able to stand up for what is best for me and LO. It just took a marriage falling apart and me finding my hidden spine to do it.