my beloved,

for the longest time, you were everything to me, and i’d like to believe that i was also everything to you. i found you when i could have sworn the entire world was against me. i first messaged you with shaky hands and teary eyes, replying to your request for movie recommendations on the off chance that you might actually enjoy my suggestion. much to my surprise, we connected almost instantly, and you became my best friend.

we shared everything with one another. secrets, fears, dreams, and eventually feelings. in you, i entrusted the darkest parts of my soul. we claimed each other as “soulmates”, you called me the “love of your life”. i deemed you the love of mine.

more often than not, we were at each other’s side, spilling declarations of suicide and dreaming of the impossible. i could not help but view you as an angel. i could have sworn your heart was as pure as the heavens, could have insisted that you had no ill intentions. though, as it turns out, i was so eager to convince myself that i was the villain in our relationship, that i completely ignored your manipulative behavior.

i ignored it when you told me to “get over” the way my abuser exploited me after i caught you flirting with him. i ignored the way you guilted me for wishing to take a break from social media after a suicide attempt. i ignored the way you used my mental illnesses to vilify me time after time, knowingly weaponizing one of my biggest fears for the sake of winning pointless arguments.

never again will i allow myself to be vulnerable for the sake of “love”. you have taught me better than that.

sincerely, stargirl.